Blue Thursday

This is my favourite photo right now

Moses is having a nap right now. We were supposed to have a playdate with Danielle and Jack today but we had some miscommunication and are going to reschedule for next week. We had a playdate with Hanna yesterday afternoon which was lots of fun. It is amazing to watch them being the same age doing the same things. Even their sounds are very similar. Their faces are in the same development stage, it is very creepy...

I don't know why I'm feeling down right now. Having a bit of the blues. Maybe I haven't been taking enough time to myself? Or maybe it's just stalking friends and feeling as if my life as a mom is slowing down significantly, and I'm just watching everyone on the fun train pass me by. I miss "the old days", but i know back in the old days i was wanting what I have right now. You just have to be happy with what you have...

It is crazy. Even with these blues and the exhaustion of having a baby, I still watch Baby Stories in the morning and have this incredible desire to do it all over again. It is CRAZY but you just yearn to feel that amazing moment when you've given birth and they present that secret little person to you after so many months of waiting. It is so surreal in the most heavenly way. And they are TINY!!! I regret not taking more photos of Moses from far away so you could really see how small he was in comparison to us. I'm so jealous of Shannan right now. She is due first week of April, she's in the last stretch.

I keep wondering if I did my best or if I could do it better the next time around. They never really show the really really bad ones on TV so it makes me wonder if I was just weak even though I recall myself yelling really loud in pain for hours. The first hours were not so bad and I was able to breathe through them, much like the tv moms... but when they upped the oxytocin it was just too much. I fought it. I know I did. I felt like falling apart when they were all standing around me waiting for me to decide on epidural or not.

And yet I wonder. I still question my ability.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. There are always things to do... but while he naps I just want to do NOTHING.

Tomorrow is Friday. The Opening Ceremony is tomorrow.


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