finding peace

it's been a rough week. ploughing through some marital issues and personal issues is exhausting but we seem to be making progress. i'm so grateful for my relationship; we are truly made for one another. we are a perfect fit, a yin and yang filling out the other's needs. i have always been especially thankful for our gift of communication and willingness to be honest, open and to make necessary changes to make it work. even in our hardest times, we fight to be together. not because it has been 13 years, but because the love we have when we are together is so perfect and peaceful and full of so much happiness. it is worth these hard times. they have always made it possible to push through even harder times.

i am undergoing a lot of personal growth. i am making leaps to change into the person i have always thought i was and perhaps, once upon, used to be. like a true boar (chinese astrology), i am defenseless against deception, and have been led astray too many times thinking i was taking a good path when really it has led to my demise.

i've lots a lot of good people, closely loved people. i'm committing myself to changing. i HAVE to. i have to be a better person for Moses and for this next baby coming along. i need to be able to provide a solid foundation so that when they are shaken, i can comfort and support them to my best ability.

this is a challenging time but i am happy and open and ready for this challenge. i'm 27. my mom told me on my birthday that my Lola had my mom when she was 27, and my mom had me when i was 27... my sister told me my Dad's favourite year was when he was 27 because he was still young but not young enough to be stupid anymore. it was my champagne birthday this year. 27 on 27. i know it's silly, but i like to be superstitious and i like to believe that all this has some sort of meaning...

things are going well.
i officially am out of morning sickness. i dno't think i've suffered from headaches for about 2 weeks! HOORAY! i've been enjoying yoga and had my first prenatal class since Moses this past Saturday. i was the only show so i had a private class :P i am so unbelievably proud of myself. there are these movements that challenge your mind over matter, and i was never able to do it in my previous classes and saturday I DID IT!!!! I DID IT!!!! i did the full 3 minutes using my breathing and vocalizing and rocking back and forth to push through the burning SENSATIONS in my shoulders. i am determined to build up my threshold for "pain"... i am determined to go further and if possible all the way sans epidural this time round.

i have my first ultrasound tomorrow at 1pm.
i can't describe what i am feeling, the anticipation is killing me! and i am driving kevin crazy!

things are good.

Moses is amazing. his personality and the multitude of facial expressions in his repertoir is astounding. he makes me laugh and smile so much. it is so different at this age and i love it. i can easily see this as being my favourite age. they are learning and developing so much and so fast, every week there are new surprises. Moses is so loving. when he feels like it he will meet for a hug or kiss when requested. he loves his dad and nobody makes him laugh harder than his dad. i look at him now and i can't believe how tiny he was when he was born and how much has changed. i am so in love with this boy! my heart swells to think about him :)

tomorrow is coming!


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