W E ' R E H A V I N G A G I R L ! ! ! ! !
it's 2:30 in the afternoon and the home is quiet. Moses went down easy for his nap today, not surprising since we had an early morning outing at the Ladner waterpark with his friend Ethan. it is so funny to see them together, both being big kids for their age. they look like giant babies compared to toddlers who are older but the same height. they still have the baby chub proportions going on while the older kids are much longer and leaner looking. i was glad to try out this waterpark as Moses was not a huge fan of the Steveston park. this one was a little tamer for younger kids, more soft spraying waters and not so much pelting and heavy flows.
WE ARE HAVING A GIRL!!!!!......we are having a... girl??? OH NO. WE ARE HAVING.A.GIRL. dun dun dun. after months of hoping and wishing, i got what i asked for. this should make me feel happy, on the contrary i am now terrified! everytime i beg and pray for something and get it, there always seems to be this secret condition or price to be paid. i know it is superstitious and silly, but i have this sneaking feeling that i am in trouble... that there is karma to be dealt. my sister spoke with my mom who said that i HAD to be having a girl because it's karma, and that i needed to pray hard everynight that i will not have as much trouble as i gave my mom when i was a teenager.
i couldn't sleep last night thinking about all of this...
i couldn't stop thinking of all the horror stories i've heard and wondering how on earth i was going to be able to guarantee raising a girl with enough confidence and self-respect to fight against society and to withstand peer pressure. i love my mom so much and she did a spectacular job of raising me, there is no doubt about that. nobody is perfect, we can only do our best with the experience we have. we didn't have the greatest relationship and our personalities certainly clash to this day, but we love each other unconditionally. my prayers for this girl is for me to have the strength and courage to always have open communication and trust. i did not have those things with my mom. perhaps i need to rid myself of this karma deal and create my own destiny. and yet, even as i command myself to do so, i have this tiny insecurity that no matter what i do to avoid repeating history, that fate WILL have the upperhand.
everything is going to be ok. everything will be beautiful.