how am i alive right now?



Saara is the sweetest thing.  i was lying in bed when she called me at 8:45am telling me she made us breakfast and was bringing it over for us :)  Moses enjoying our banana-coconut-prune oatmeal!



day 3 of moses' cold, day 1 for me. i'm really happy that he is happy to drink lemon-ginger tea with honey (teabags AND fresh), especially since he isn't a huge water fan. he had zero shits yesterday and had two this morning.

we went out for breakfast yesterday because
1. i wanted soup and we had none
2. the godamn fire alarm guys started testing alarms again at 9:30am and moses was getting developing anxiety after 2 hours of them going off the previous evening.

he didn't like the split pea and ham soup but ate the multi-grain rolls and raisin toasts. we spent almost 2 hours at the park. it was sunny and brisk, i'm trying to take advantage of the last of our nice weather and fresh air before it gets too cold.

don't touch my baby!
i got really angry and felt embarassed after an older toddler came up to us in our stroller, followed Moses who was running to the park and then proceeded to very purposefully cut back behind Mo and push him on the ground. i was so furious and angry, i yelled HEY!!!! in the angriest voice. it was very defensive of me, especially since Moses was sick. i should not have been so angry, i'm sure one day Moses might do the same thing and some other mom is going to want to kill me and Moses hahaha.

the culprit's mom was very kind and apologetic. she was there with another mom discussing the local schools which got my attention, particularly when she quoted $10,000 for Sacred Heart School (local Catholic private school). i was appalled! there was no way! i knew that it would be steep, but i didn't think it was impossible! anyway, i found out later that day that it was more like $1000-$2000 (about $200 per month) which was more of what i had guess-timated.

on the subject of schools, i'm very much leaning towards French immersion. i heard recently that they are trying to bring in Cantonese immersion which would be AWESOME but it is probably still in the developing stages of being brought into the system. so many of my closest friends attended French immersion and i really wish i had the same opportunity. many of these friends are happy they attended immersion and with good reason! it is as one friend said, a skill that you acquire almost effortlessly; a skill that may open doors later on in the workforce not to mention making French class in highschool a breeze.

we'll see. i'm still debating on the subject of Baptism since Kev and both come from Catholic backgrounds. i know kev is fine either way, it is i that is more on the fence about it. i mean at this point, i would basically be doing it in case we decided to have our kids attend Catholic school for the education, not so much for the religious aspect. it has been difficult for me to take it seriously with the fundamentalist sort of upbringing i had. i'm not going to get into details, SORRY!

chloe.

i don't know where to start. i'm still having fears and issues with having a girl. i am just so afraid of becoming my mother and not being able to relate well... i can't figure out if it is a matter of seeing Moses as my baby husband and Chloe as a baby ME, and if that is how i am relating to them. i love kevin to pieces and i feel like it's so easy to love Moses because of that. i feel as if, having a girl is having another me and therefor i am going to treat her the way i treat myself. not that i treat myself poorly by any stretch but i am harder on myself and expect myself to be strong and thicker-skinned and treat myself less "lovingly". i'm afraid of not being able to open up emotionally with the same tenderness that comes pouring out for Moses. i'm afraid that these feelings while pregnant are going to predetermine my behaviour once she is born and so i am frantically trying to figure out how to change this mentality.  i'm afraid to fail her and have her feel like she missed out on having a great supportive mom.  i don't want her to know that i love her, i want her to feel that i love her.

i'm super exhausted today.  i don't know if i will bother going to work tomorrow or bring Moses to my mom's, i don't want her to catch this cold.

11/365





Comments

  1. one. i would like to say that mo should go BSS. ESS.
    two. chloe is going to be the most gorgeous insane lovable baby girl this world will ever see. and her and MO are gonna be frikken awesome together.
    the end. ps i had all the flavors of a baked potato pringles the other day. CRAVE THAT. efffff
    america makes me fat.

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