today was my first day back to yoga after 2 weeks off. wow is all i can say. in 2, well i guess technically 3 weeks my body has gone through some significant changes. first of all, my body is definitely in way crappier condition. i can never decide whether i am doing enough exercise or possibly overdoing it physically. either way, my legs have absolutely been killing me this week and it is insanely uncomfortable to get into any sort of relaxing sitting position these days. i'm feeling weird numbness in my ass cheeks and numb patches on the top of my belly when attempting to sit/recline. pillows are definitely a must and need to be placed JUST SO to provide a reasonable level of comfort. i don't even think i can say comfort... it's more like the least discomfort.
i was exhausted at yoga today. theresa was away but she had quite a good substitute (a friend and past student apparently). instead of doing the flying arms for three minutes, we did open-and-close palms which was a new challenge! i was totally up for it and I DID IT!!! i smiled and even laughed throughout the "sensations" as well as incorporated horse-lips, deep moaning, and swaying back and forth. these achievements give me more confidence in my abilities to get through labour, but i am still nervous about not being able to do it. everyone is different, everyone has different physicalities... i can't and should NOT compare myself to any other mother.
i am so beat and tired. i am proud of myself that i have made it this far before slowing down so much. 6 weeks left, that's pretty good! it's going to be the longest and shortest 6 weeks i'm sure!
oh, i forgot to mention that on top of my legs killing me (feels like general cramping from my butt to my ankles... also a little bit of mild shin splint feelings...), that awful nerve in my left leg has shown it's ugly face! yes, that same nerve i had with Moses where it would randomly TWEAK at any point while walking and cause me to collapse on that one leg. not thrilled about that. i'm thinking i'm going to need to have a tether for Moses in case it happens and i am unable to run and grab him if we are on a walk somewhere.
chloe's movements are getting stronger. she remains active, but nowhere near as active as Moses was, thank god! her movement schedule seems very similar though which is interesting. i keep feeling like i am not as big this time around even though my weight gain has been the same. kevin says it's bc i know what to expect this time, but even my sister commented that i don't seem as big this time. the shape is definitely different, chloe is a lot higher and rounder whereas Moses was lower and oblong.
2 days overdue with Moses
(the following paragraphs contain sexual content for those not interested in TMI)yeah. the next 10 months are going to be pretty rough. i think that fact that my body did not have the opportunity to fully get back to square one has made this pregnancy a lot more frustrating in terms of sex. from the getgo it has been a lot more uncomfortable/painful. that ONE MONTH that got us pregnant with chloe was clearly the first month where things felt NORMAL and PLEASURABLE. last night we had a great laugh in bed after attempting to engage in intimacy. i think half my vagina took off for vacation and the parts that stayed at home had decided to save energy and only make use of half of its nerves. nothing felt right, or i couldn't feel anything, and it was pretty much as awkward as having teenage sex LOL. i'm so thankful that we have been together for so long that the intimacy of falling asleep to conversation is good enough for our exhausted bodies.
i finally told kevin i was uncomfortable with foreplay (WHO AM I??!??!?!?!!!) and we should just get a tiny sample size bottle of lube to last us the next month, IF THAT! yes, how sad. and furthermore, how he could use it for the next 3-4 months after that when he would basically have to service himself since there is no way anything will be coming near my crotch within that time frame. to this he replied he would be so tired in those first months that instead of (present day) falling asleep beside me with thoughts and failed plans of having sex, he would be falling asleep with this tiny sample size bottle of lube in his hand with grandiose plans of beating off. the sadness of this visual made me cry from laughing so hard. truly, this is going to be rough times for a good many months to come. it is scary to know that from this point on, we have a loooooooooong hard road ahead of us with two very young children, very little sleep, less energy, no sex, and having to make it through what has been forcasted to be a long cold winter.
we're going to need all the help we can get!
baby shower tomorrow!