...super mom later that day

is exhausted.  still noting movements... seemingly a little less than usual but maybe i'm just being super paranoid?

kevin was super tired today.  he was very low on patience so i sent him out for a breather to do some grocery shopping and return (and take out more) library books.  in the meantime i did a buttload of clean up and organizing.  i felt just awful.

moses is truly going through terrible twos stage.  he was acting super erratic and although i managed to keep my cool throughout, i felt bad for not paying much attention to him as he zoomed back and forth following me.  i don't know if he realizes what's going on.  i show him illustrated "baby-in-belly" images daily and get him to pat/rub my belly and say "hi baby!".  i don't know if that is possibly adding to his craziness...

i am feeling really sad about Moses.  i can't say i would have it any other way, that i would prefer to wait another year before having another baby, but part of me still wishes we had more time together.  the summer was fabulous.  he was so great from his birthday til september, my absolute favourite time of all.  i look at him all the time in amazement that he is so sweet handsome and wonderful (in spite of all his tantrums and whatnot...) and i can't believe how the time has flown by.  it feels like eons ago that he was born.  he's grown so much it's scary!  i feel so sad that he doesn't get to have me to himself.  i feel sad that he already hasn't had me to himself while i've been pregnant and preoccupied with cleaning and getting things ready etc.  i'm feeling so sad that he is going to feel unimportant.  i feel as if i am saying goodbye!!!! i hug him so long and hard these days because i know i won't have the same time once chloe comes along. i'm going to miss it just being mama&moses.  EMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh.

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