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i don't know what is Moses' problem.  he has been a little bitch about going to bed lately.  tonight he upped the ante and would not stop crying his balls off.  AND I HATE IT.  i hate that i have to be "mean" and not put up with it.  I HATE IT.  i hate that i can't just snuggle and cuddle him because it makes me sad but he can't adopt that as a way of going to bed.  i don't know why he needs to do this right now.  i'm shaking with frustration.  he has finally calmed down and gone to bed after almost two hours of walking in and out of his room.  i hate it because when he is crying really hard it freaks me out and makes me wonder if there is something actually WRONG but i know there isn't!  i hate it.  i sat in the rocking chair in the living room to demand he go back into his room and go to sleep.  he would open the door, hear me raise my voice and then close the door and cry his brains out calling MAMA and DADA.  it's SO HARD.  it's so hard to be heartless when you know they are fine.  and chloe here is still pushing her little butt against my stomache.  I HATE IT.  i want her to stop doing this.  i can't take the feelings that are flooding my insides.  there is too much frustration and the amount of patience required for me to deal with BOTH of these kids right now is too fucking much.  it's just too too too much.

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