kevin is afraid and now i am afraid. he said he is mostly afraid because i can never tell when i am having contractions or not. i can't! sometimes it feels like i am, but sometimes Chloe is pushing at the same time so i wonder if it is NOT contractions but just her... or if it is both??? i can't remember if the baby still moves while contractions occur?
anyway. it's been emotionally taxing these past few days. the up and the down of anticipation, hope, dry panties, fake contractions, massive pelvic pain, gooey panties leading to nothing, and then waking up in the morning to another day of "mystery".
Renee is amazing. she has been so wonderful and supportive and making efforts to make the long drive out from super east van to southy sunny tsawwassen to help me out whether it be playing with the Mo, massages, and just keeping me sane with good company. i dropped by her place last night prior to Lauren's Birthday dinner so she could do some "labour inducing" pressure points. the lady who had done this went into labour 4 hours following... as skeptical as i was i of course had my hopes up.
i thought maybe today! i was down with 12-11-10 and down with 12-12-10. i am putting a BIG X on tomorrow for stupid 13 but i feel really good about
tuesday december 14 2010
i'm being ridiculous i know...
my stomache looks so swollen and stressed. it has reached it's peak and now the skin just looks like it's cracking with blood vessels. it has become exceedingly difficult to move my body. my pelvic bone feels like it is carrying a huge anvil... as if there is nothing cushioning her head from my bone, almost grinding. rolling over takes quite a while, it is about a 4 step process with many breaths in between. each small movement shifts her body and i can feel the weight of her roll and PLUNK inside of me.
Renee will be over tomorrow morning thank goodness. i've been feeling very stressed about having to take care of Moses in this condition. i don't remember my pregnancy with Moses being this hard at the end... maybe that's my memory loss???
god i just can't wait until saturday. i can't wait to see my sister i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait!