sleepy hollow eyes

i am exhausted.  burnt out.  burnt toast. un-she-ra.
every night at 10:55-11:00pm chloe starts her party and gives me 1-2 long painful contractions.
then nothing for another 24 hours.  ok well nothing in comparison.  she'll shift a little here and there but other than that she is mostly complacent.

i've been waking up around 4-5am unable to go back to sleep for disappointment, feelings of anger frustration and emotional retardation.  i seriously feel like i am going crazy these days.  we went for a walk into town this morning and afterwards i had a few instances of blood tinged mucus.  and that was it for the day...  this frustrates me!  what am i supposed to do???  walk myself all damn day??????????

dim sum was at the usual Richmond Sun Sui Wah.  Derek met my dad's side of the family as well as my Lola (my mom's mom...).  i am so touched that Moses is able to say and identify my Gong Gong (my dad's dad), it means so much to me that he seems to be able to sense the awesomeness that is my Gong Gong because that same awesomeness dwells in both my (late) Father and my brother.  my sister is frustrated because she has been dying to see Moses but is coming on way too strong and Moses doesn't like it, so he never wants to hang out with her!  we'll see... she is planning on winning him over before she heads back to Cali.

we brought Moses over for a nap at my mom's since it was closer than driving all the way to Tsawwassen and having to possibly deal with a falling-asleep-in-the-car Moses who would probably wake up and not go back to sleep upon arriving at home.  he slept two hours and then again in the car on the drive back to Kev's Nana's in Tsawwassen.  we had a lovely and DELICIOUS dinner.  there is nothing better than her Yorkshire puddings, they are always amazingly perfect: crispy on the outside and nice and soft on the inside.  Moses and Andie were so cute, they were both in little cozy sleeper outfits, i wish i had brought the camera in to take photos... womp womp.

sigh.

i am so frustrated.  all of this waiting is making me feel so crappy about my body.  i am having immense amounts of anxiety over whether or not my body will function this time around and actually produce its own natural contractions.  i hate this feeling.  i hate this feeling of NOTHING HAPPENING.  i feel like there should be more progress, a few instances of mucus once maybe twice a day is a sad and false hope.  the one-two contractions at 11pm everynight is a complete emotional rollercoaster.  i am so frustrated.

when??

when when when???????

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