savoury sweets

ok so while i was in bed i made a point of jotting down things that i have been wanting to write about.  i only have a few minutes while my tits reload for another feeding.  that and kev really wants to eat a piece of pie but he's rocking coco for me while i refill...

1. it is sunday.  tomorrow is monday.  kev goes back to work on tuesday.  I AM SCARED.  how am i going to do it?  i have no idea, but i guess it will be like anything else that is new and i will just have to dive in head first and see if i make it back to the surface for air.

2.  i am happy.  despite fear for Momsolo times on tuesday i have been feeling waaaaaayyy happier this time around than i did with Moses.  i guess i have more mental space to be happy this time rather than be completely terrified and unprepared for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  i am in love with chloe, i am in love with my new little family.  it is rough but i'm loving it.  i have gotten over the "partying" woes for the most part and feel happy to be me and to have what i have.  the grass is greener on my side right now :)   i can say that i am happy to be a mother.  i feel strangely empowered by this maternal status, feeling like i am taking on more of a challenge but knowing that i will still be capable of doing a great job... most of the time *grin* (hahaha katherine...)

3. i am sad!  yes so many contradicting emotions!!!  the damn sand in the hourglass is pouring way too fast!  chloe is growing so fast already and i keep begging her to stop.  putting Moses to bed makes my heart ache, like having contractions in my heart :(  he is HUGE and yet he is still totally completely my little boy, my little handsome prince.  i can't believe where the time has gone with him... i just printed $30 worth of photos from last February and seeing his growth month to month is astonishing.  i can't imagine changing that much over such a short time period.  this pregnancy was long.  so much happened.  that time is gone.  the beautiful perfect summer days Mo and I spent together are gone.  they are memories already that will fade more and more as time goes by and he grows older.  they are going to keep growing and my ovaries are going to scream at me to HAVE MORE BABIES!!!!! as these two grow up.  waaahhhh!!!! MY BABIES!!!

4.  as much as i am happy (and sad) i do still find myself going back through my old timey photos trying to make some connection between pre-mom and post-mom...  i go through these photos trying to find something in pre-mom stephanie, some hint or secret of things to come but all i see are blissful naivete in my eyes and perfect early 20's frame.    i must say, my body is doing better and better everyday which i am so thankful for.  i'm sure that my physical state of being is contributing to my current state of happiness and acceptance of self even though i like to think i am just happy enough that i wouldn't care otherwise.  anyway, i found something amusing while looking through old photos.

i just realized that this photo was taken May 23 2008, a year before Moses was born.  this is one of my favourite photos of all time and it made me happy to know that it was the same date as Momo's birthday.

5. yes.  despite the happy, i must say i really really REALLLY miss shopping... A LOT.  SO MUCH.

6. thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and offered help or visited and kept us company, played with Moses or made us food.  you are wonderful people and i can not wait to be in a position to return the favour.

alright.  times up.  feeding time.


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