sigh. the last two days have been on the rough side with Moses not taking a nap. i need a break from him and his toddler-itis which just seems to reach new levels of hell these days, especially when taking care of an infant. my brain and emotions and patience are working double time, and i need him to take those naps to give me some sanity. the nap with hanna was maybe an hour and that was around 4:30-5pm. he fell asleep yesterday on the drive home from our Pho and Cupcakes adventure with caela, but only stayed in bed for about 10-15 minutes once we got home. he then proceeded to act crazy and drive his big trucks noisily back and forth across the living room and park them all in the entryway of our bedroom door ontop of a tossed salad of clean and dirty laundry. i didn't toss that salad, HE did.
on top of the lack of naps he is still going to bed late. 11pm seems to be the usual after an hour or so of effing around. lately he has been crying about it and i am not sure why.
1) does he feel left out that the rest of us are "cozying up" (yeah right...) on the other side of the hous?
2) is he afraid of being alone?
3) has he had bad dreams?
he requires company to be able to fall asleep and this bothers me because i am a nazi about these sleeping habits and i do not want him to be dependent on company to fall asleep, he needs to be able to soothe himself... but then i wonder if i am being too harsh? i mean i remember needing my parents to read the paper at my desk in my room in elementary school on the occasional nights where i just felt unsettled or rattled by something i saw or even just from my vivid imagination. maybe these are just phases and i should not get so angry with him?
yesterday he stepped very purposefully on chloe's stomache while i was changing her. moses does not like to be reprimanded. he starts screaming and crying and going dead weight when we separate him from the situation in order to reprimand him for his actions. he is quick to apologize and hug and kiss the victim so i wonder if he is being malicious (if his actions are based on his emotions...) or if he is just going through the toddler face of hitting to test to see the consequence as they apparently do not realize they are capable of causing harm to others. it really frightens me sometimes and admittedly i have visions of "the good son" or other creepy movies where an innocent child isn't so innocent and has some deep dark badside. i doubt this is the case but sometimes moses execution seems so intentional and plotted.
and the last moses woe is his eating habits. i am so at the end of my rope these days with the eating or LACK THEREOF. why oh WHY has his perfect sleep schedules and voracious appetite gone to shit? why will he no longer try new things or even old things???? i realize their taste buds change and cause things to taste extra salty or bitter or sweet, but sometimes he is not even willing to TRY anything and immediately shoves his bowl across the table saying "Aaah dah.... paaalllaaaaaay! paalaaay!" (all done, play play). sometimes we can feed him from our bowls. sometimes it is easier to follow him around and feed him while he plays and sometimes it helps to not give him any food at all and just let him come eat off of our own plates. the fact that he is now able to climb onto the "big people" chairs makes him feel more independent and no longer wants to sit in his highchair which means he (1) enjoys standing and running on the spot on the chair (2) he comes and goes as he pleases and we can not just force him to sit in his highchair until he eats his food. i mean even if he was in his highchair, it would turn into a game of table hockey using his bowl as the puck!
he just woke up... we are supposed to drive down to the states today now that chloe has her birth certificate. we were originally going to borrow ainge's dad's SUV and pile in altogether but she could not get it this weekend and she and ash and jen all went to a dirty thirty birthday last night and therefor will not be waking up until close to noon. oh the luxury... we were also going to head further to the lynwood mall which is about 2/5hours instead of the 1 hour drive to bellingham so i could go to the forever21, but thought against it after my fast-emptying pockets from the aritzia now/or/never sale. $200 + $10 + $10 + $50 + $45 + $* + tax. yeah that's already a good $300 dropped. could have been $200 except they totally effed me in the butt when they dropped the current/elliotts (orig $276) from the $199 i paid to $99!!!!!! ARGH!!!!! but i searched the f21 site last night and now i am thinking "welll maybe i can spend another $50 since so much stuff is on sale???"
we are just going to hit up the Tarjay & Sears (kev needs new and cheap work jeans and hoodies) and visit the Trader Joe's for the first time.
thank you chloe for being such a lovely sweet baby while your brother goes through his tantrum twos.