time is on my side

today has been a good day and for that i am so thankful.  k and i are just so tired by the end of the day that  we are ready to snap and i snapped last night.  i showered with moses and k took over for bedtime routine while i lotioned and changed chloe and got her ready to feed and go to bed.  i fed her about 2-3oz from a bottle which i was so stoked about because (1) yay! i do not have to be the sole source of her feeds! (2) formula is supposed to keep babies fuller and make them sleep for longer.  well... this did not go well.  she woke up after about a minute and was wide awake and i took off.  i put her down and yelled something along the lines of "you fucking kids are killing me!"

i don't remember what happened but i ended up in the washroom crying or trying to cry...  i've done such a good job keeping it all inside and just pushing through these past 4 months (go! go! go!) that i felt like i didn't even know how to cry.  it was all tears but no emotion, i couldn't feel anything, as renee said "all reaction and no release".  it felt like crying wasn't enough to get out how i was feeling, i needed to scream and punch but moses was in bed next door.  i jumped up and down which helped a little but also made me even angrier feeling my huge foppy boobs jiggling like idiots after me.

kevin managed to take care of her for the next 3-4 hours since she was on and off waking up until 2:30am. almost every hour or so she would wake again and he took her... he had to and i had to let him and i had to keep my mouth shut.  i don't like how he tells her "stop it!" as if he is reprimanding moses because you can't reprimand a baby.  he also likes to burp her on his lap with her lying face down and i hate it.  and i hate it when she cries.  it just seems like such a demeaning pose, adding insult to injury as she is crying.  and i don't know if she truly doesn't like it or not but eventually she stops so maybe it DOES work?  he claims she is just super gassy.  i just don't know why it takes so long to burp a frigging child!

anyway she didn't wake up until about 630am at which point i breastfed her til i thought she was asleep but she woke again and i had to crawl into awkward side position so i could still lie down in an attempt to "rest" while shutting her up with boob.  she was stirriing again about an hour later with her stupid gloves coming off and her nails (I can hear them!) scratching into her scalp.  she managed to fall back asleep until about 10:30am!!! THANK THE LORD.

now for the Mo.  momo i think came in at about 8am but saw that we were sleeping so he waited outside until my alarm went off at 8:30am at which point he hustled back in.  omgoodness he was so sweet and cute and perfect today, he came to my bedside:
"Big diaper!"
"Momo, do you need a change?"
"Change! Sshhhhhh Coco sleep! Gwa (hands me my glasses) Mama sli-pper mama sli-pper (hands me my slippers)
We go to his room and he lies down with no coaxing or bribing, hell i didn't even have to ASK him he just laid down on his own and let me change him!
He ran to the pantry "ray! ray!" for Raisin Bran.  "Bow!" (bowl) "Mewk! Mewk!" and the proceeded to make minimal mess and finish the entire bowl.
Moses why can't you be such a perfect little angel EVERYDAY?

we had a lunchdate with Marla and her kids at Ambiente for WAFFLES!  then they came over for a little bit before naptime.  her kids are 7, 5, and 3.  Nai is the eldest and Moses liked her so much because she was reading books to him.  Myles is naughty and Kane, like Moses, is obsessed with everything cars/trucks/trains.

ahhhh, both kids are asleep.  I fed coco while the kids were playing and she has been sleeping soundly.  other happy news

1. although it cost us a few arms ($1100 worth of arms...) I just received an email from my cousin that my harddrive has been restored

2. this weekend was the last weekend to sell the large desk and dresser and we were SOL until about 10 mins ago when i checked kev's email.  if k is okay with it, we can drop off the dresser later tonight AND another gentleman said he would call back again to confirm with me whether or not he'll be driving by to pick up the desk around 430-5pm!  PLEASE GOD!

i'm going to go lounge and watch some PVR gossip girl and conan :)


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