thank god for facebook, thank god for the internet

i'm totally devastated right now.  i'm trying sooooo hard to look on the bright side because what else can i do...  the $1200 was paid for and my cousin brought over the hardrive/backup and i just went through everything and i want to cry.  yes i am thankful that i have photos, but i didn't get all of them.  i got most everything back until about moses' 10th month...  everything prior to that is gone save a few random things.  all my photos prior to mid 2010 are gone and i feel like screaming.  i had 2007-2010 worth of photos.

there are so many things going through my head right now and my feelings are boiling behind a dam that i can't find the key to unlocking... and maybe it's better that way.

maybe it's better this way.

maybe all my talk about how my life used to be prior to having babies is biting back.  this is its way of telling me to stfu and move on, that this is my life now and to get over it.

maybe it's better this way.

but i don't have moses young young photos....  i did print photos of his first year but they were very select ones...  and i guess i can pay flickr the annual $25 so that they will release all the photos i DID post from when he was born and download them to my computer.

my heart is dying right now.

i don't even care that i pretty much didn't get any of my art and design work back.

i don't even know how to feel right now about having paid $1200 for this and to be missing so much that i had.  i don't know how to feel.  but i feel sick.  and i don't even know if i am able to say any of this outloud without totally bawling my eyes out.

i'm going to go do the flickr thing now.  i think that will make me feel a bit better.
and thank god for facebook.  no i won't be able to print them out high resolution but thank god for facebook and thankgod that i posted all the photos and thank god i made moses a facebook account.  i know it's ridiculous but thank god i did it.


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