aisle number

totes exhausted.
today's weather was/is fantastic so i set out to go to Splashdown with the kids and Caela and Brian.
we stayed until nap time but i was disappointed for getting so ahead of myself with moses because he ended up crying most of the time.  initially he was super stoked which made me excited to do the slides with him, but i should have waited for C&B to arrive so i could just go with moses instead of holding both of them at the same time.  i ended up falling forward, sending moses under water.  he slipped out when i tried to pull him up but he hit his head on the step rail and fell back again and that was it, he was done.  i tried over and over, making him come with me to see if he would get over it and just enjoy himself, but he was all out of sorts and even when he said he wanted to go again he would cry.  such a disappointment since i'd been waiting since last summer to do this and the admission is just too pricy to do multiple times.  chloe on the other hand was completely unphased but moses wouldn't let me go without him.

we went to my cousin's wedding yesterday.  so sooo stressful.  weddings used to be
so much fun and it was just too much.  keeping both kids occupied during the hour long mass ceremony was stressful.  it's funny because everyone kept saying how well-behaved they were and granted they weren't screaming or throwing things etc.. but they were well-behaved because we had to hold and play and feed and carry and bounce for the hour in the hot church.  and we had to do this at 1:15pm aka coco's naptime and just before moses' naptime, which means they were both on the verge of total crankiness.  it's looks all good and fine from the outside, but on the inside kev and i were sweating and full of anxiety anticipating the worst.  it's the anticipation that keeps us on our toes that is stressful.  and bouncing coco in the church in 4" heels and in a hot jacket did not make it easier.  yes i could have dressed more comfortably, but weddings are those rare occasions where i get to try to look like something other than a mom.  the top i bought for the wedding was cut large around thr arms to hang lower but because of my 30G's, it pushed the top forward and revealed a whole couple of inches of black bra.  i had to wear the bra bc it was the new one that fits me.

it sucks to have to compromise so many things.  i could have hung out upstairs in the "quiet room" that apparently was air conditioned with the other parents but (1) we are the grooms family (2) i don't want to accept the fact that because i'm a parent i should be sent back to the isolation room.  yes i know it's partially for our comfort, but it's also to allow the rest of the world to enjoy life without the cries and whines of our children... you know, like at White Spot.

i don't want to dress a certain way to be able to take care of my kids.  i want to be able to dress up and feel beautiful.  i don't want to look like a crazy dictator ordering everyone into the car because the kids are having a meltdown and need a nap even though it means we will not be in the family photo, but it's my ffffing job as a parent to put my kids first, yes even before the bride and groom on their special day.  while we went for said drive, i asked kevin what was worse "not being in the family photo or being in the family photo looking like we just got hit by a tornado and two sweaty upset looking kids".  he said that it was insulting to the bride and groom to not be in it but by then the photo had already been taken.

i don't like being put into these kinds of situations.  i also needed to get out of their because i couldn't walk in the damn shoes on the concrete holding coco any longer.  my knees and ankles were buckling.  i was having my own meltdown physically and emotionally.  i figured, i didn't really care about the family group photos at my wedding, i doubt they would since they are likely to just get photos of themselves?  god i hope so bc i will feel so bad  :(

i know that a lot of guests dislike the time between the ceremony and reception and i realize it is an inconvenience, especially if you are out of town, but from my point of view it is a freedom.  you can go chill out in a park with other relatives or friends, go down by the water and enjoy the view, go for a delicious mini snack, do whatever you want.  not circle around town aimlessly in a car so that your kids can have a nap.

i ended up changing for the reception.  i had to...  i gave into my parental comfort.  my pretty lacy revealing tank would not do when holding coco close to my chest and pushing the girls into people's faces.  i would have had to wear the jacket the entire time.  amazingly i managed to wear my heels all night (though i did bring some pretty sandals just in case), the carpet is much easier to walk on.

the kids didn't sleep all day except for maybe about 1-1.5hours each.  we stayed til about 10pm when moses finally begged us to go home after dancing his ass off.  it was so cute.  the wedding was very by the book, very regimented and organized.  there were a lot of speeches to sit through but they were good speeches.  i respect this style of wedding for the amount of effort it takes to achieve, but it definitely was not the way we did things.

i will always regret not having had a little more time for speeches since we didn't even think we were going to...  nobody wanted to do them when we asked, we were just lucky that a few people did decide they wanted to (even if it was cobbled together at their dinner table) because kev and i had been together for 10 years by that point and on your special day, it is nice to be able to hear good things about you from your loved ones.  it does make me happy in some respect that we did not have a drawn out  itinerary as it meant the dancing would begin sooner which was the goal.  i am happy with our wedding and it makes me even happier hearing from so many people that ours was the best they had ever been to. i'm sure the open bar had an active role  ;P  ANYWAY...

in all the parental agony that we had to plough through, it was a success.  kev and i did a great job and came out alive and the kids were in bed and asleep in a blink, leaving us some downtime before hitting the sack.

too bad none of us are smiling...

more photos to come...  (although not many and not very good)


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