god i don't even know where to start. working is taking a bite out of my old schedule and i'm still trying to settle into the new changes. it's great having a break from the kids. i love having my cuddling time with them when i get home after 10pm. i love crawling into their beds and getting fully intoxicated by the individual scent of their baby potion. i love how chloe's nose profile is like the tiniest baby slide. i love how little her hands still are (though i know they are a far far cry from their infant size) and how they will still tighten around my finger. i love admiring moses face during this rare time of calm. i get to take in the slight curls at the ends of his mouth and be constantly blown away by how much his face continues to change. i love his hands, how they are so completely different from my own, how he will one day figure out what he wants to do in his life and how those hands will take him there.
i'm super tired. i am doing a crazy juggling act, but lately i have been so burnt out that the balls have been left to collect dust while i eat coconut Krema and watch Gossip Girl and TMZ. my sleep still sucks. no matter how tired i am, i will still lie in bed sometimes until 2am as my mind whirrs and ticks and spins.
working as a cashier is definitely not a career. i knew that before, but it has really been a wake up call to me to get my things in order. i feel out of place... i know that one does not go to work to socialize and feel part of a family although that often sort of happens in a strange way, but i feel that i am the only one of my kind. there are so many teenagers working there and it is like they are from an entirely different planet. i hardly remember myself as a teenager. it is also disorienting for the obvious fact that i attended an Catholic all-girls private school, not a co-ed public school. there are the other moms, but i seem to be in a younger age bracket all to myself. everyone asks how old i am, most of them assuming i am still in high school which is very amusing, especially when the teenagers ask. i have to sadly report that i am NOT one of them, and they sort of retreat to their familiars.
then there are those customers that come who remind me of what my life used to be like. the way they dress, the food they buy, and the blissful ignorance of how great it is to be a servant to oneself. and worse, those who show me what i want to be and put the fire under my ass to keep my creative endeavours alive. it will happen. i need to get a new sketch book/notebook and make up my plans...
i am getting back to my old body. my original shape is returning. it's not just sizes but shapes! my boobs are going down!!!!!!!!! clothes are fitting differently. i still sometimes miss breastfeeding and sharing that closeness with cocobear. i feel bad for being selfish but lugging those G's around was ridiculous.
this is chloe. she is killing me with this photo.
1. has found her tongue and instead of making the luldulludluudll sounds by flicking her tongue up and down or in and out, she sticks it out and moves it side to side
2. has begun in the past week to start letting go and freestand. the longest time being about 6 seconds at the park as she inspected something in her hands
3. she just started clapping this past week as well! it's so funny, how just when you start to worry why your child has not yet begun to do xyz, they break it out that very day. now she claps all the time: when she is happy or whenever me and moses start singing library songs.
4. if you ask her for a kiss she will lean in to let you kiss her little mouth
5. still trying to teach her how to get down going feet first from the couch.
6. she understands "food" and "eat" and "come" and "no" and "down"
7. she burned her hands on the fireplace last week. she got a little white blister on one finger. she cried for a long time while i had to run her hands under the water and wrap them in frozen peas.
8. her sleeping habits are changing and is less inclined to go to sleep and more interested in instigating laughing and screaming fits with moses which is driving me crazy during their so-called nap times.
9. the kids are at my mom's tonight for the 2nd time this month. the first time was in august, which was a few months ago, so when we left her the 2nd time she totally forgot about the first. tonight, however, she realized what was happening and that i would be leaving and started crying and grasping onto my clothes and turning her face away from my mom's arms and it made me feel so sad! at least when moses started staying at my mom's, he had a few weeks to practice and he did it every week. poor little chloe bear! at least she has moses there for familiar company.
1. moses is so dumb. he has NEVER touched the fireplace until chloe did. he saw her bawling and knew she had burned her hands and so he decided to do it too. wtf!
2. he has memorized SO MANY of the songs we do at the library! he sings them all the time now. it is interesting that when we are there he never sings or participates, but once at home or in the car he will sing it full blast doing the movements. i think he is just concentrating really hard on memorizing maybe?
3. his language continues to improve. her pronunciation is improving, his grammar is improving, his vocabulary is improving, and he talks a lot. he also says he likes to talk hahaha.
4. tonight in the car he said "excuse me" for his "little toot" hahahah. it took me a while to understand what he was trying to tell me because although we tell him to say excuse me for body noises, he hadn't really caught onto it.
5. potty training is still off and on. i am usually able to get him to take off his diaper in the morning to give him the opportunities to use the potty. he is developing the habit of going on his own (unless he gets TOO afraid of the dark) to the washroom, taking the stool to turn on the light, taking off his pants/underwwear/diaper, doing his business, (sometimes) putting things back on, and moving the stool to wash his hands and again to turn off the light. i have forgotten to change him into diapers when going out and he has held it until we have arrived home!
6. he also uses this same stool to turn on the light in his own room if he needs to get a toy or get underwear from his dresser.
7. eating is still a challenge, off and on. he's surprisingly less interested in bananas and way into apples these days. today he put up a huge fit of screams, crying and running away telling me he didn't want to try the Cococnut yogurt. when he finally conceded, you could see through his tears that he was thinking "OMG THIS IS SO EFFING DELICIOUS!!!!!!" he of course asked for more and wouldn't shut up about how "yummy" and "tasty" it was hahahahahaha.
8. we went swimming for the first time as a family last weekend and it was fantastic! moses was still ok going underwater! we slowly let him splash a little deeper when going down the slide before catching him and he was holding his breath! he even jumped in from the ledge!
chloe had a fantastic time, she loves the water despite way less exposure to it than moses had. moses was all bath bath bath and chloe has been shower shower shower.
we also have started doing drop-in at Delta gymnastics which is so awesome and so fun! the kids run around for 45minutes on trampolines, ramps, jumping into enormous pits of foam blocks and having a great time. i really love it. moses was a huge chicken last week (our first time) and wouldn't even jump into the pit, he would just sit on the ledge and fall over, but today he was jumping off a 4-5ft piece of equipment into the pit! yay!
that is all for now!
gotta get to sleep :)