long mom rant

i have to say that work is a break.  all the anticipation prior to arriving is hell, but once i am there, my mind can shift down gears.  sigh.

my knees is badly bruised from earlier.  god, i just reread that post and it doesn't even make sense hahaha.  well, i'm sure a lot of these are not very coherent, as if i have time to edit these crazy spastic posts.

the past two days have been a challenge.  the kids are driving me so crazy and i don't know if i am failing or if it is this hard for other parents.  i feel awful when i end up lashing out, but when there is nothing left, there is nothing left.  i am only human - OH GOD that is what my mom used to always say!!!!  there is only so much we can take.

every morning begins with moses asking me to watch Cars 2 and for warm milk or juice&water.  chloe patiently rolls around in her crib, sucking on blankets until i come in an take a massive hit of warm concentrated baby smell.  we go to the living room and hang out for 10-20 minutes until they are slightly occupied so that i can slowly sneak into the kitchen to cobble up some breakfast.

phanie's breakfast menu
Eggs, Toast, Fruit (2 yolks for chloe, 2 whites plus a whole egg for me and moses to share)
Yogurt and fruit (sometimes cereal or granola)
Fruit, fruit, toast
Smoothie - banana, yogurt, frozen blueberries (haven't 'done this for a long time)

sit at the table with the little monsters and feed chloe and myself.  eat as fast as possible so that i can try to clean a little while chloe is eating.  ironically, the both of them are making a mess while they are eating and while i am trying to clean...  truly, the mess NEVER ends.

i am so sick and tired of moses DUMPING his toys out.  we have a box with all his train track and a huge bucket of lego.  no matter how many times we tell him to take a few at a time, we hear the same damn crash of tracks and/or legos at least once a day, followed by the same damn lecture.  i made numerous requests, ranging from polite to full-out freaking out, for him to pick up the legos but all i got was:

-moses picks up one and then gets distracted
-"i need heeeeelp..."
-moses picks up a couple and gets distracted
-"i don't want toooo"
-moses lays across chairs "i'm lying down right now"

chloe is going through separation anxiety and bursts into tears hundreds of times a day as i go to my bedroom to put clothes away, as i go pee, as i go to clean up mo/co poo/pee, as i go change, as i go to the kitchen to wash dishes, as i go to check things on the computer, as i put their laundry away....  it is driving me bloody insane.  she is also constantly getting into the kitchen and opening all the cupboards and drawers and occasionally getting into the garbage.  NO, i don't have child proof locks, i just use elastics and sometimes i take them off because they are so irritating.  she also loves going into the bathrooms which is, of course, a total nightmare.  she opens the cupboards and pulls things onto the floor and once splashed her hand in moses pee-filled potty that i had no had a chance to dump out.

i am constantly running around like a headless chicken.  multi-tasking a million different things that i shamefully forget to dump pee out.

i'm so tired!  yesterday i tried to take a nap with them in my bed around 1230pm.  moses eventually peaced out and chloe and i fell asleep for maybe half an hour before kevin called me and woke us up.  then 10 minutes after that, moses comes into the room to tell me he has pooed.  GROAN.  MEGA MEGA GROAN.  i stayed up until 3am friday night after kevin's work dinner getting ready for the party.  i woke up at 830am to start getting ready for the party.  after the party, the kids were total POS's because they were hopped up on sugar, and i stayed up til 2am prepping for GotCraft the next morning.  then as mentioned i stayed up til 130am doing photos/forms for my mom.  yeah, i was really fucking tired and NOT WANTING TO GET UP TO CLEAN UP MOSES' SHIT.

it was stuck and half dried all over his butt.  i told him to hit the potty and when i got to it the rim was covered in shit from his butt and he managed to pee on the floor.  i kept asking him where his underwear and pants were and he didn't know.  i found them in the kitchen beside some poo, and they were CAKED with shit.  i don't even know what i did with chloe while i tried to clean everything.

i stayed home pretty much both days which is not good but i was too exhausted to get them changed and didn't even know where i would go.  plus, chloe's naps are all over the place which is good and bad.  sometimes she is maxed out at 11am, sometimes i can push her until 1pm.  i don't want her sleeping at 11am because that means when she wakes up at 1pm i have 3-4 hours to deal with her.  It's like taking your lunch at 11am or 1pm?  Everyone wants a late lunch to make the afternoon shorter!  But i also don't want to drive out at 11am in case she sleeps in the car bc surely by the time we drive back home she will be tired and fall asleep on the way back and NOT sleep at home!


and on top of all of my momly duties, and despite having the party and GotCraft over with i still have plenty on my plate.  there are of course the blogs and the Facebook pauhaus which have been suffering lately...  but i have buttons for my sister to card and send off, i have my first quilled letter commission, a special 30th birthday card for a friend, and that's just off the top of my head.

my body is begging me to stop the torture, but i keep pushing myself anyway trying to keep up with everything.  sigh.

so that's me.  i have been trying to take notes on updates for the kids.  hopefully i will do that tomorrow.


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