making peace with new year's eve

i've decided to sum up the past 28 years of new year's eves.  the first 21 were all family.
in the same way i had 2 months of freedom, living on my own with kevin in vancouver before getting preggo, free from family, free from the horror of having bought and renovated a house with inlaws, free from everything... i also had only two new year's of freedom and awesomeness.  2006 and 2008.

new year's has always been a big thing for my family, so i was obviously super amped to celebrate it on my own with my friends.  for kev, his family never celebrated new year's eve, just new year's day.

it's been a hard adjustment for me with the kids the past couple of years.  today was no different.  i am ok right now, i'm so exhausted that i can't be bothered to feel miserable anymore, but i was definitely feeling a lot of frustration throughout the day.  trying to think of what to do, what would make me feel happy...  i thought up a bunch of things i would have loved to do, but they all require either being sans children or being with perfectly well behaved children willing to stay up until midnight.  i don't want to be sans children.  they are too young and i don't want to start a new year without them.  and even if i decided to be selfish and leave them, who would be free to take care of them!

i don't think my body could handle a crazy dance party.  i would have loved to join a few high school friends at a house/condo shindig, but their party started at 8-9pm.  i would have loved to have dinner at Oru with kevin and the kids (kids eat free!) but we are broke.  i would have loved to walk around downtown afterwards but the kids would be freezing and exhausted.  and really, i'm nevous about being on the road when there are so many other people drinking and driving tonight.

so tonight is like any other night tonight and i think i might be able to make it through midnight feeling ok about not having any plans other than Dick Clark on the TV.

a look into phanie's past new year'sss

1983 - 2004
21 years of family new year's


livejournal dec 30 2004

"You know I don't give a FUCK about New Year's"

Yeah well i fucking do and i am not spending it with my family
for the first time so why don't you be fucking awesome and fucking
do something really out of character and take me out for a good
fucking time

kev ended up at my door.  we bussed downtown and walked around down to canada place with some shitty bottle of alcohol.  bussed back to my house.  and that's all i remember.  this was just before we split up temporarily for a few months.  growing pains.

the party days...

paid $35 to get into Honey but found out we didn't have to as the doorman recognized us and was like "why did you pay the $35!!!!".  it was a shitty crowd so we went to the sketch warehouse down on Hastings for a crazy party where friends bands were playing.

Babcock Era
Went drinking at The Landing pub in Tsawwassen with kev's sister and fiancee with whom we had just bought a house.  Rented porn for amusement.  Felt gross.  Super fucking lame.

the Cuban Honeymoon New Year's

1.5 hour sea wall walk from town back to our hotel

locals singing and shouting as they ring in the new year

midnight cigar by the poolside

Pregnant with moses.  Cried in the bathroom because we had no plans though kev secretly made reservations for dinner at English Bay Boathouse.  It ended up being a really sweet night, I have photographic memories of him carrying me to the restaurant because I was in heels at 20 weeks and the sidewalk was icy.  I remember eating all my dinner and half of kevins.  I remember having a tiny sip of the drink special and being angry that I couldn't drink one.  I remember the waitress telling me how she couldn't tell I was preggers at all.

Supposed to have dinner plans with Poopsie and Katherine that fell through because i totally flipped out not being able to figure out a place to go last minute.  Settled for a stay home dinner with the boys, but still couldn't fight the itch of staying home and headed out to a house party and had a great time with Renée and her crew.

chill New Year's Eve with Lauren & Andrew.  dinner and Despicable Me.

blogging about past new year's and feeling ok about having no plans.
being amused by old live journal posts

and just because i'm scrolling through old live journeys, this is one of the first ones that i wrote.  taryn, i hope you read this and i hope you will allow me to read one of your old live journals LOL

if only i never had to walk in parking lots

now i want to die.
as my stomach caves in
i feel like i am being aborted
1) my feet are pulled out
2) followed by the rest of me, save my head
3) scissors are jammed into my head
4) scissors then widen to open my skull
5) the contents of which are then emptied

want can you do???
when you live in a shoe
that is too damn tight
your ankles swell
and the rest of the world laughs at you
because you look like you have cankles.

high-fi vs low-fi
i feel like a nazi with an enormous head


my posts are so gay compared to yours.


  1. ha, I accidentally posted my comment to your LJ!


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