ruff

i'm not fairing well at all.
it's 3:22.  i start work at 5pm again today. sigh.
i am frustrated.
i hate the 5pm days...  i hate having to ask people for help to mind the kids since i have to leave at 4:45 and kevin gets off at 5pm and isn't home until closer to 5:30pm.  i hate asking for help and therefor procrastinate and end up asking last minute which is even worse.

my knee is throbbing.  it's been a rough day...  they just . won't . leave . me . alone.  i have mountains of shit to clean from the party aftermath on top of the daily hurricanes that i can barely keep up with.  it is near impossible to do anything  with chloe frantically following me wherever i go, crawling and crying for attention or to be held.  the second i manage to clean something, two new trails of toys or food pop up.  i've lost it a few times today, you can ask my neighbours who have no doubt heard me freaking out.  i broke out the F word twice.

i can't seem to find any peace.  i thought after sunday i would surely be able to get to bed early for the first time in two months.  i ended up staying up late to post birthday photos and type up some forms for my mom that had me in bed at the usual 130am...  the kids let me sleep in anywhere from 845-920am which is great but with moses not napping and chloe's naps being seemingly earlier (11am), i still have to deal with him harassing me for things

"mommy! mommy!  i want.....something..."  he doesn't even know what he wants half the time, he is just bored and has nobody else to pester.

i rush to get things done on the computer or try to do all the dishes from the morning and leftovers from the previous night.  i hate not being able to just check my email without the two of them scrambling into the room, chloe pulling everything from the recycling box and moses climbing onto my chair behind me and giving me choke holds.

my knee is throbbing because the above just occurred and was the last fucking straw of the day, i scooped up chloe and as i stepped up over the recycling bin my knee bashed up into the desk.

i hate having a complete inability to create a decent meal.  i hate that mealtimes are such a huge stress, as stressful as having to find a sitter on the 5pm days.  i hate the guilt of serving the same thing or the most random assortment of things and i hate having to deal with their cries and whines for food as the guilt is eating at me.

UGH thank god kevin just got in early thank god thank god thank god

have to get reADY FOR WORK

Comments

  1. Going to a job after a full day of chasing kids sounds HARD.
    You are amazing, try not to be too hard on yourself!xox

    ReplyDelete

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