i dno't even know how i am awake right now.  just finished folding laundry.  i swear we have been doing laundry every single day this past week i feel like setting everything on fire and being paper bag princesses.

prior to laundry i was talking to my mom and prior to that i had just put the kids to bed.  it was a late night because i was determined to take them swimming after dinner even though the past 24 hours have been a total blur.

moses has had a transformer cold for the past 3 weeks or so.  it was a runny nose for a while and then developed into a few different things.  it is currently an ugly cough, the kind where you can here phlegm but a harsher one that cuts your throat and it's been really beating him up the last couple days keeping him (and us) up at night.  it keeps him from falling asleep.  it wakes him up at around 1am and then he comes into our bed later probably around 3-4am - just a guess since i am not even aware when he is climbing into bed.

last night was stupid.  he didn't even fall asleep in his bed and i didn't feel like fighting so i let him just pass out in our bed.  as usual, we stayed up til 1-130am.  as usual, once i got in bed it took me 45 minutes to fall asleep.  it must have been about 4-5am when moses woke up wailing.  his stomach was killing him and we didn't know what was going on.  kevin had run out earlier to get him some benadryl to help stop the dripping that was causing him to cough so much.  apparently cough suppressants are not made for kids his age because they stop the gag reflex.  we tried to give him some but he was so frustrated and not wanting to take it he ended up barfing.  we took turns rubbing his back and making him feel better but he just kept going through episodes of freaking out and crying that his stomach was hurting and rolling all over the bed before passing out for 5-10 minutes.  because he barfed on my side of the bed i moved to the middle and moses moved to kevin's side, putting kevin on the floor.  moses went down beside kevin because he wanted kevin - not i - to rub his back and ended up barfing again.  after some time he told us he had to potty.  kev fetched his potty from the other bathroom so that we wouldn't wake up chloe and moses took a very noisy diarrhea crap.  he finally felt better and passed out on the floor with kevin.

poor kevin made it into work at 8am after falling asleep around 6am.  my neighbour woke me up with text msgs at 830am.   i passed out for another hour and when i woke i was in a daze.  moses ended up waking up too and was in great spirits but i could hear chloe screaming and crying from her room.  i panicked and ran over to find one of her legs tangled and stuck in between her crib bars!  big fat juicy tears were tumbling down her face and my chest tightened as i jumped in beside her wondering how long she had been stuck for while i was out cold.  poor thing, i managed to manoeuvre her little foot and leg out but it hurt her as she cried even more.  i felt horrible but there was no other way to get her leg out without taking the crib apart or sawing the bar out!

we then  had a half hour to get ready and eat before driving out to East Van to visit Renee and Matt.  i packed a bag of oranges, apples and bananas for lunch and completely forgot them on the counter.  i was so angry since the weather has been cold and i didn't want to have to spend money and go out for lunch. luckily, Matt had already cleaned the entire house and ended up making spaghetti and havarti & cucumber sandwiches for the kids while Renee gave me a much needed massage.  it was such a perfect visit.  everything felt so peaceful and right.  they are so peaceful and right together.

i love Matt.  

we headed home just before 2pm.  chloe slept most of the way but was still so sleepy she went right to bed again for a good hour and a half.  i left the house in shambles and parked myself on the couch with moses to watch Kung Fu Panda 2.  i have been trying to push myself to be a better mom and wife since new year's.  i've made a few dinners and upped the lunch variety.  i'm forcing myself to fuck the house and spend more time actively playing with the kids instead of telling them to play on their own while i clean the house.  it's a very difficult compromise, especially when i know that come bedtime, i will be on here instead of cleaning up. so yes, the house is just a shanty town.

sigh.  we did a quickie playdate at Ethan's after the movie when chloe woke up.  moses was a total shitshow when we had to leave even with the usual 5, 2, and 1 minute warnings.  he did his bratty scream dance all the way home and turned it up to full blast volume once we entered our hallway.  he shrieked bloody murder so loud that neighbours at the very opposite end of the hall came out to see what was going on.  he proceeded to cry in his bed for 10-15 minutes until dinner was ready and of course he didn't want to eat anything.

i hate parenting.

i hate having to persuade and bargain and bribe every 10 minutes every day.  especially when the bribe is something i really want to do and moses totally doesn't live up to his bargain.  he ended up hardly eating anything no matter how many times i told him that he needed to finish his dinner if he wanted to come swimming with chloe and i, that if he wasn't' done by the time i was finished getting ready he would be staying home with kevin.  we of course went swimming anyway.  swimming was awesome because they loved it.  swimming was buttballs because my boobs are disgusting, i forgot to bring underwear and a bra, and i have a massive phobia of everything being covered in PEE.  oh yeah, and then having to dress two kids without them touching all the pee.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.  i have lists all over the house of all the things i need to do and all the things i need to blog about on both blogs and i just can not keep up.  i can't keep up with projects.  i can't keep up with parenting.  i can't keep up with cleaning.  FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL


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