post by a person that happens to be a mom

i threw out 3 cups of tea today.  i finally just enjoyed  my first good cup.  i usually have 3 cups a day, but it has become a half ritual to discover a my cup lukewarm with teabag, totally beyond palatable.  i'm picky about my tea.  and why shouldn't i be?  it's like one of the top three things every single fucking parenting book, blog, site, and pamphlet suggests moms do as a treat for themselves once a day.  how sad. 

my life in a fishbowl
this song and this moment from The Royal Tenenbaums continues to penetrate and encapsulate my life 

i came across another great article through a friend today from the huffington post.  there were so many things she talked about that spoke to me and reminded me once again that i am not alone in my feelings of guilt and paranoid panic that i am failing my children.

Don't Carpe Diem - Glennon Melton  

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain....
like all great articles, she adds the token anomalous situation many parents find themselves in when out and about with  a child or 4, where one is missing, one has shoplifted a handful of items, one is eating food off the floor, etc... and even in the fog of helplessness and hopelessness, a stranger still has the audacity to inform you how fast the time passes and that you better enjoy every minute and every second of it.  many of my posts touch on this issue of seizing the day and moments.  i know they are fleeting.  and the harder i hold on, the faster they leap out of reach.  i do my best to breathe and try to keep calm, but my efforts are so often foiled by the relentless taunting and selfish demands that make me feel like i am being jammed through a paper shredder.  Melton goes on:
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it her own way...and she happens to be honest.

i am NOT even going to go into my daily torture of wanting another one.  instead, i would like to add to the above  excerpt how it seems whenever your kids are doing great and achieving and progressing, you are praised as the most wonderful parent in the world, BUT the second your child has a sniffle isn't eating their dinner, you are suddenly bombarded with endless advice of what you SHOULD be doing.  the best, of course, when this advice comes from non-parents.  my favourite thing EVER.
i love how Melton ties it together with the different concepts of time, Chronos and Kairos. it makes perfect sense.  yes, so much of parenting is an endless climb to the top of a non-existent mountain, but God, the view of their tiny little bodies asleep and at peace at the end of the day is absolutely breathtaking.

let's end this on a good note: photos of chloe's first snow!   i hope this photo makes you feel as crazy happy as it makes me feel.  she looks so hilarious, a purple michelin man gumdrop.

the bag moses is carrying has all our snowman supplies, but to our dismay the snow we had was way too powdery to build anything.

check out her WOMP WOMP elephant footprints

womp, womp, womp....

sigh.  remember last year's photos??

this makes me so happy


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