little lives

there has been a lot of purging and reorganizing.
clothes, toys, and furniture being filtered and divided into keep and giveaway, relocated to storage, or better organized.  we are in desperate need of more storage!

the children, they grow.  upon this third year of moses, he has been going through an expansive array of new emotions, phases, and mental development.  he has begun to express sadness more often which is really breaking my heart.

do you know what mommy?  i am sad.  i am sad because i want you to play with me.  my god, how do i say no to this?  it would be outright EVIL!

this morning, face to face, we woke up and the first thing he did was whisper:

I love you so much

he then followed it up with how he gets sad when i go to work because he can not see me and this will make him cry.  i have not worked since sunday and tonight was my first evening shift of this week, so i was very nervous about how he was going to react.  he was not too bad when i left the house, possibly as he was distracted by my cousin Nik who came to visit and watch them until kev arrived.

kevin ended up walking up with them.  they came through with groceries behind me (we are not allowed to process groceries from our own family for obvious reasons...) and moses was fine.  i gave them kisses and told them i loved them.  it was only once they were about to leave that he began to cry.  his face wrinkled up, the corners of his mouth turned down, and big fat teardrops began tumbling down his flushed cheeks, as he lamented how he wanted me to come home and then asking me for hugs and kisses.

it was really quite something.  it broke my heart and melted my heart all in the same choked breath.  my poor little guy was hurting inside, missing me, worrying about not being able to see me for the rest of the evening.  it just happened to be my break, so i spent it outside with them in hopes of making him feel a little better.  it helped at first, and then he broke down in tears again.  my sweet sweet little boy.

for all the frustration he stirs in my heart throughout the day, he really is just the most tenderhearted guy.  he is so much like kevin and so much like myself.  he is a very sweet and considerate boy.  the other day, he was playing with the screen door (against my wishes) with chloe and of course, he closed it on her finger.  she began wailing, and just as i was about to walk over, he quickly opened the door, came to chloe's side and apologized, comforted her, and softly told her she was alright.  she didn't call for me.  he had consoled her enough that she did not need me.

he also has taken it upon himself to fetch her blanket and doggie when he knows she is going for her nap or to sleep at night.

chloe, on the other hand, has also shown love for moses.  she will often come into my bathroom when i am brushing my teeth, sign for the toothbrushes and happily toddle off lickety-split calling MOMO! before handing him his toothbrush.  then, they both run back into the bathroom for a teeth brushing party.

sigh.  chloe.

chloe has also been going through some separation anxiety, or something!  she calls "MAMA!!  MAMAA!!!!!!  MAAAAAAMAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" day in and day out.  she sounds like an 80 year old angry chinese lady, to be quite honest.  it is not pleasant to listen to.  then when you turn to acknowledge her, she simply and sweetly says "mama".  she has been waking from sleep more often, shortly after she has fallen asleep for the night.  i am amused by my willingness to let her hang out with us in the living room for a while until she gets bored or realizes she is still tired and motions to be returned to her bed.


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