back in business... and a tiny surprise!

ok, i don't know what happened since last night.  i'm able to access and edit RAWS although photoshop seems to have downgraded from it's usual appearance to that of an older version... but whatever.  this will give me time to play with Lightroom...

i had a rough couple of days.  the kids were definitely testing me today.  chloe is entering Terrible Twos and Moses is in the thick of Terrible Threes and that is just the shitty part of having two kids 18 months a part.  phenomenal when they are good and tyrannical when they are bad.  par example, Moses has begun to stick his tongue out at me when he is getting in trouble.  instead of knocking all his teeth out with a sledgehammer, i am restrained to just give him a quick backhanded whap! on the mouth which usually sends that slimy little muscle back into its hole.  you know what's really awful about having two kids 18 months apart?  is having the second one have to listen to the first one ask WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? so many goddam times for months on end that Number 2 begins to ask WHY? without even really knowing what the hell they are asking.  other irritation trait of Number 2 is that although she is talking a hell of a lot more, she is not yet at the conversational stage.  SO, in the car,  our conversation consists of:

MAMA!   (yes, chloe?...)
MAMA!  (yes, chloe?...)
MAMA! (silence)
MAMA! (i'm listening chloe, what do you have to say?)
MAMA! (silence)
MAMA! MAMA! MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA
CHLOE IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY PLEASE STOP SAYING MY NAME OVER AND OVER!!!!!!!
(silence)

that is the story of life in the car.

why do they like hearing you yell?  i was really tired of yelling today.  i'm also really tired of saying NO! and DON"T! so often.  i realize i'm supposed to try using POSITIVE phrases, but this is a challenge when all the things they are doing require an IMMEDIATE response!  and when they decide to make it an entire day of really shitty or really dangerous things that require immediate response, i have no other choice than to yell NO! STOP!  DON'T ___________________!!!!


this cheered me up momentarily
painted momo's toes green and gave chloe these sweet socks i found at Daiso



i've been feeling under the weather on top of all the frustration i've been having with technology.  all the computer and camera junk, plus my phone never lasting one hour before it needs to be charged again and the screen flashing on and off when i'm trying to hang up on someone is great because it means i can't touch the screen.  IT'S ON QUICK TOUCH THE CALL (flashes off) IT'S ON QUICK TOUCH THE CALL flashes off) IT'S ON QUICK TOUCH THE CALL flashes off) IT'S ON QUICK TOUCH THE CALL AT WHICH POINT I JUST THROW THE EFFING PHONE AT THE WALL SO THAT IT CRACKS OPEN AND DISLODGES THE BATTERY.  sadly that is the quickest way to turn it off, since opening it with your hands/nail is all but impossible EVEN FOR THE TECHS.

body is aching.  i think the sudden change in weather aka rainstorms has got me depressed.  i'm pushing myself to do so many things and getting overwhelmed and stressed.

the only thing that got me through today was that JENICE was due tomorrow, BUT had little Baby Girl this morning!!!!!!  it was a long ass day stuck inside with the kids.  feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally drained, i just kept telling myself to get through it because we would get to see the baby after dinner.  at 5pm i broke down and called kevin.  since none of our doors have locks, i was sitting with my back pressed up against my bedroom door while chloe banged and cried MAMAAAA!!!! over and over.  i unloaded my whole day.  desperate to get out, i asked if we could go out for dinner although i knew the answer was NO.  no longer having a steady income and with my in-laws trying to get us into a house, the financial strings have been pulled really tight.

once kevin arrived, i sat here in the computer room on the phone with my sister for some relief.  again, with no locks, the kids kept trying to come in every 10-15 minutes and i had to shoo them out crying and throwing tantrums on the floor.

dinner was fantastic.  thank you kevin for making dinner the past two nights.  i am so effing grateful for your competence in the kitchen.


he made two gluten-free pizzas last night



tonight he did a "fish & chips" with cauliflower puree & raw beets

FINALLY.  dinner done, kids cleaned and dressed, camera packed, we raced to the car and drove in the pouring rain to Women's Hospital.  THEY WENT HOME!  so we turned around, elevator down, back into the rain, and into Richmond.  i kept holding my face in my hands to calm myself down because after a long day of crazy emotions, my heart was in bad shape.  


*MELT*


i love this photo.  it truly reflects 
DAY 1


daddy Zane with bff


chloe is IN LOVE WITH HER!
she kept saying MY BEBE! she couldn't get enough of the little ball of yum!


*dying*


so in love


TEENSY WEENSY FINGIES!!!!!!


kevvie's turn!



tiny smile!


the best part is that i'm going back tomorrow for lunch!
part of my stress today was not knowing what to bring for them
but being in so much of a bad place i ended up coming empty handed.
the best part of THAT is i will be redeeming myself by picking up her first
SUSHI MEAL!!!!!!!

red tuna here we come!

congratulations jen & zane
she is absolutely perfect in every way
so excited and so blessed to be part of your lives!




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