like family

in between the many MANY phases and hurdles of toddlerhood, i am thankful for these golden moments that make me feel like i haven't totally failed as a mom.  i must be doing something right...  i deserve these moments.  to just hang out in the background and watch these little people in their own world, playing together without hitting, hair pulling, leg pinching, face smashing or imitating the bellowing yells of their mother.  
 i need more moments like these
it's been the week of sammies.  kevin has become addicted.  gluten free bread is pricy but he seems to be shelling out the extra dollars so he, too, can enjoy the simple pleasures in life.  toast is a comfort food.  sandwiches are comfort food.  and after having been deprived for so long of this product, he's finally making up for lost time.  he's been making late night sandwiches for the two of us as our snack.    equally addicted, i made some for the kids the other day.  mint-cilantro herb mayo, bacon, tomatoes, and a layer of ricotta.  momo had cucumbers instead of the dreaded tomato.  
breakfast that same night was shepherds pie with cauliflower mash potatoes and carrots, onions, green peppers and a little kale in the org ground beef.  side salad with cait's amazeballs dressing.  nope, cait you are not getting this back.  i'm going to drink it for breakfast tomorrow...
chloe went through multiple MMMMMmmMMmmmMmmmm dances.  it is safe to say that she loved this.  my filipino weakness got the better of me.  despite how delish this was on its own, i still ran to the fridge for ketchup (and hot sauce).  of course, the kids wanted in on the red stuff.  this sent chloe into even crazier MMmmMmmm frenzies.  
sigh.  i have been having a lot of emotional issues with momo.  it's breaking my heart...  i've really been trying to be less hard on him and more affectionate despite the horrid stages that are passing through his head and heart at the moment.  it made me feel so sad when i passed the camera to kevin and moses immediately grabbed me and started wildly posing with me.  i know a lot of the photos are heavily chloe and it is not intentional.  they are at totally different stages right now.  she happens to be in the phase where every fucking thing she does kills me.  i remember when it was the opposite way.  moses was her age and chloe was tiny and i had to remind myself to take more photos of her to balance things out.  
i'm trying.  i love him.  every night when i go into their room to check on them, i have a huge lump in my chest when i cuddle this guy.  i feel like i am not giving him enough and i am afraid that he is feeling unloved.  i don't know if that is real, or if that is part of this age where they are becoming more and more independent.  i have heard other moms are feeling similar about this age...  it seems like there is a gap or a distance or SOMETHING that is forming.
i'm trying.  this guy is my hero.  he ceases to amaze me.  his giggles thrill me.  his imagination is wild.  i am thankful for another chance every day to do better and try harder. 
 today was special.  saara and leila joined us for another lovely low key day.  we went for a little bike ride in the surrounding complex where she use to live when we first met in 2009.  she was the first friend i made in Tsawwassen.  moses was 5 months and leila was just turning 1.  and today they had their first bike ride together in the neighbourhood where they first met.
chloe was decked out to the nines as usual.  
 the sun was warm.  there was no wind today.  the chill had eased off.  they went back and forth over the speedbumps and through leftover puddles from yesterday's rain.
 i'm not really sure what happened in the past 4 years...  moses would stuff his face with saara's cantelope until they came back out and leila was scared to be around him for the first while.  i would bounce him forever in my ergo to get him to sleep and he would nap on saara's bed.  leila would go down  and saara and i wouldn't know what to do with ourselves beyond drinking tea.
we headed back to my place for lunch
apparently, sandwiches are all the rage.  this is day 2 of saara's grilled soy cheese and figs on Udi's gluten free bread.
it was heavenly.  i am going to make these.  
 i found this recipe on the same site where i found the Potato Soup recipe.    Butternut Squash and Kale quesadillas with mozzarella.  the recipe actually called for Monterey, but this is all i had on hand.  it was  as good as i had hoped.  AND SO DAMN EASY!!!!  dice the squash and sautee with a little butter and olive oil.  add salt, pepper and chill powder.  remove once soft and browned.  add a little more butter to the pan and sautee the kale with tongs.  add the squash back and toss around.  place tortilla bottom on pan, add shredded cheese and layer of squash/kale.  wait until cheese melts and flip for another minute.  DONE.  warm, soft, sweet, crunchy, salty, cheesy and PERFECT.  i knew it was going to be good but i was still shocked to see moses not stop for a second to play with it.  he ate every bite!
i made hot chocolate.  thomas haas extra dark with almond milk.  
a little Carolans Irish Cream for the mamas!
hot chocolate moustache
i know i know... too many chloes.  but how am i suppose to choose from these?  
the kids had a ball.  chloe didn't nap til 4pm.  she is sleeping on the office floor beside me right now.  they played hide and seek and house with dinosaurs and ponies.  they decided to use a blanket as a sled and made saara pull them back and forth across the main area over and over again.  again and again and again i am so happy i took the risk of getting her number that fateful day 4 years ago.  
 i tossed the leftover squash and kale with gluten free pasta for dinner.  i served it to kev and the kids while i maowed down on a sandwich hahahaha.  we rushed out the door to Jade's to get momo's mop cleaned up.  my brother just happened to have his done and waited for us to arrive so he could see the kids.  he greeted us at the door with his handsome new do.
the girls are as beautiful as ever.  just like their mama. 
momo gets better and better each time.  more patient and willing to pretend to be a statue. 
cookies, smoothies, Sesame Street, building legos and playing tag.  my lazy ass loitered until 9:30pm when i finally HAD to pack them up and leave.  kevin had stayed home making it all the harder for me to move my butt.  

i never would have thought this is where i would be with Jade and Robert.  it is so good to have friends with roots that go so far back.  we know who we are.  we know where we've come from.  i use to be close friends with Rob back in elementary, it is so surreal that our lives have been reunited with our first borns 2 months apart.  i am excited and frightened for what the future holds, but so thankful to have such great families in our lives to join us as we fumble our way through parenthood.

excited for more playdates tomorrow!


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