photomash of updates
dear parents-to-be or those planning on arranging their mating times during ovulation, those babies you are going to have are going to grow up. those long nights will feel like forever and then you will be driving them to school. you will be frazzled and possibly still underslept though your kids sleep through the night. the baby that never seems to grow or talk or roll over or wave or walk or jump or RUN will do all these things on their own watch much to your dismay and the embarassment of the Jones' baby who is a rockstar baby that needs to be punched in the face.
they will grow up. and i don't know what happens once they start Kindergarten but i really don't want to find out. i don't want them to go to school. school is scary. it's weird saying that since i had a pretty good childhood and enjoyed school alot. i don't know why i am suddenly being injected with terrifying fears, every fear possible.
mostly of HOW i am going to deal with the situations that arise. and HOW to give WHAT tools to these kids to protect themselves and be confident in themselves and LOVE themselves enough to stand up for themselves and for those who can not do so.
sleeping portraits. it seems this is the only time of day where i actually have a few minutes of downtime in between editing to have quality time with them.every single night of their lives (that they have been at home) i have crept into their beds to snuggle them and cover them in as many kisses as possible. leaning my cheek against every part of their warm tiny body, breathing deeply, so sound asleep.
wonder about how we arrived at today. desperately trying to remember what they were like as babies and what my life was like as babies. how my parenting style differed between the two of them and in moses' case having major guilt issues about how i raised him as a first time mom... feeling my throat tighten and my tear ducts well just to the brim remembering my impatience and inability to deal with him. and then fast forward to my failures du jour. the mean things i may have said and my struggles with my temper when i know he is much more sensitive than chloe...
needless to say, i'm having a really tough time with Moses right now. and it hurts and i hate it. i see so many wonderful things he is doing and his Parent/Teacher conference could not have gone better. but the list of irritating things is quite the nasty pill to take dozens of times a day.
and still... at night. no matter what he has done throughout the day, i am the one that climbs the ladder to lie beside him with tears held back wondering why i can't be better. and then plunging into an ocean of worries for this sensitive guy. is he going to be ok? how on earth is he going to adjust to 6 hours of Kindergarten 5 days in a row when he is currently at Preschool twice a week for 2.5 hours. chloe i'm not worries about because she is a social butterfly, but if moses could have it his way, he would always be at home.
we received more swag from Whistle & Flute. moses is IN LOVE with this cloud shirt. he wore it 3 times in one week and told me how much he loved it.
the first ones we got were the LOVE sweaters, one in gold and one in teal which they wore as part of my Holiday Style Guide for the Holiday Sessions.
it's been a huge challenge taking photos of these kids the last couple of weeks while swamped with work. chloe was being a major cow at first when we received my favourite shirt: JE T'AIME. she didn't want to put it on and then was a total brat while posing, i had to fight with her. "I JUST WANT TO WEAR IT LIKE THIS". we are hearing a lot of this bratty tone of voice when she is asked to do something. she will do it but she will do it in a way that is stupid and annoying though i have to admit the scarf covering her face looks pretty good. terd. Little Miss Terd Ferguson.
she finally broke out of her cranky shell and gave me some moneyshots.
HAIR UPDATE. i hate it but feel pretty happy that i have continued to be complimented by friends and strangers which is more shockaing than anything. it's so long and continues to SPIKE FORWARD. at what length will this hair RELAX?
fun with photoshop. i've been breaking out like crazy these days. particulalrly around my chin area. i had two ginormous white heads for the past two days surrounding by patchy white dryness. feeling super attractive these days... NOT. this AFTER photo looks way more photoshopped here than it does in photoshop. weird. CHEEKBONES.
KEVIN FOUND THIS SWEET LAMP FOR $5! LOVE IT!
we have been struggling to get chloe out of the blanket-sucking habit that has soothed her and put her to sleep for the last 2.5 years. here she is passed out on our bed last night with it just tucked under her chin. she's been so good about it. it's really hard but she's trying in her own little way. sigh.
i went out today and took some photos. i'll try to get those posted tomorrow.
my eyes and head need to go to bed. it's "only" 12:30am.
sigh. so much work to do tomorrow.