Growing Pains and Growing Pride

these two are my life: during the hard days and the good days, the shitty weeks and the perfect weekends, we are in this together.  our days together are coming to an end and as much as i look forward to peace and quiet and time to myself, i know i am going to miss these early years like crazy.  

it's hard to believe we are actually coming up to this point, where they will both be in school for full days.  it's hard to believe how fast everything has gone and how much they have grown.  i love them so much and can not imagine ever having had to miss these days to be in the workforce.  i realize not everyone is the same and that others may not have had the option, but having had my mom take care of us through our young years, i knew i would be the same way.  i am thankful to have been able to be a stay-at-home mom/working-from-home mom because these years are really the best, the most precious.  the pyjama days, the walking into town with the stroller and both kids riding, the playmates, the crazy afternoons, snuggling them whenever i damn well please…  they are the cutest.  they say the most hilarious things.  their milestones month after month and their increasing mental and emotional maturity from birth to present has been an amazing experience.  and with two so close together with completely polar personalities, it's been quite the crazy ride.  seeing them bond puts all my worries of their constant sibling rivalry to rest.  i know that no matter how much they torture one another throughout the day, at the end of it all, they are each other's best friend.  they love one another and look out for each other. 

it is a special kind of boot camp, this parenting thing, but when i see how they thrive and how they are loved and how they love others in their life, at least i can pat myself on the back knowing that was all me.  well not ALL me, but let's face it, i'm there with them 99% of the time .  more than dad, more than grandparents, for the most part, i have been the one trudging through the ditches day in and day out since May 2009.  i am their mother and there is no replacement for me.  i want them to know that.  i am the be all and end all.  i want them to know i will do everything i can for them and that i am the one person that will not let them down.  i want them to be able to look back as adults and know that i did everything i could for them even when it sucked mega balls.  i know i have made mistakes and there is so much more i need to work on…  they are who they are by age 6 and i am freaking out everyday trying to cover as many bases as i possibly can.

when i look at this photo of them together, i can't help but feel a huge relief and huge surge of pride and joy that i have done my absolute best to give them the tools that they will need for when they are away from me for 6 hours a day.  

big thanks to my mom, kevin, and my cousin chris for reminding me this week that i've been doing a pretty damn good job.  i know i'm not perfect, but it's always nice to hear you're doing a good job, especially out of nowhere, especially when you feel like you've been doing a shitty job, especially from really wonderful people that you really love and respect.


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