State of Frustration

Constant State of Being is as Follows

1.  Coughing
a) headaches
b) lungs ache
c) peeing myself
d) inability to fall asleep or fall BACK asleep

2.  Congestion
a) constant nose blowing
b) red stinging sensation from rubbing tissue
c) inability to breathe creating dry mouth
d) facial discomfort adding to overall headache
e) inability to smell and therefor taste ANYTHING
(which I must admit has relieved me from all the horrible smells of the world, but i think after 4 going on 5 weeks now, maybe i could deal with smells…  and hoping that 3 weeks into 2nd trimester the smell intensities have simmered down)
f) not 100% sure, but i my ear has still been plugged up after the first two days of disorientation and sharp jabby pain

3.  Low Grade Fever
a) with only a rectal thermometer on hand, i've kept a stready 99-100 temperature since Sunday
(there is a first time for everything)
b) random overheating leading to panic stripping

4.  Fatigue
a) inability to be up on feet for more than 5-10 minutes at a time
b) has improved slightly in the last two days, can venture unto 20 minutes but definitely feel all the more exhausted and require longer resting time

I'm still waking up around 5am.  This morning was no different and I was unable to fall back asleep for 2 hours.  Thankfully, the children were at my mom's and I was able to sleep from 7-10am.

It's not the I have resigned myself to a lifestyle of living in bed.  I have tried to push myself.  I have tried to psyche myself out of it and just PUSH the same way I PUSHED through the first 2.5 half weeks of this preggo-cold combo.  I am just thankful that most of the nausea and hormone headaches of subsided with only random visits from these unfriendly characters.

I just received my 16 Week Update from Babycenter.

Your baby's about the size of an avocado by now. In the next three weeks, he'll go through a tremendous growth spurt. He'll double his weight and increase his length. In the meantime, he'll be playing with his umbilical cord and practising breathing. You're going through a bit of a growth spurt yourself. Your uterus has expanded so much that the ligaments in your belly are stretching to make room for it. If you feel any twinges of pain now, that's why. 

Can I just express how terrified I am?  I mean on one hand I was eager to get the hell out of First Trimester, but only to escape the nausea.  Being in Second Trimester means things are happening.  With zero appetite I worry that this baby is not going to get what it needs, especially during this "tremendous growth spurt" month.

My back is hurting so much already.  Having to sleep upright to ease congestion has not helped as I have been passing out in some twisted positions.  My gigantic rack is not helping and it seems more convincing that I have officially popped.  I say that because I haven't not eaten much this week and it's pretty shapely.  It was on my list to try to get a photo today, but it took me 40 minutes to empty the dishwasher.

I'm so afraid of this pregnancy.  I'm afraid because I know all the pains and discomforts from the past two pregnancies and it feels mighty early to be feeling this crappy.  I've read this is just the way it is with third pregnancies, everything happens faster.  I'm exhausted from 5 years of raising Moses and Chloe.  I have next to no energy compared to when I was pregnant with Moses.

And with all that said…  I could not have asked for a more supportive partner.  I wish I had the funds to send him on a mini vacation.  He needs it… bad.  He's been playing single Dad.   A hamster Dad, running to work and sweating his balls off in the excessive summer heat of a mechanic's garage, only to come home to a dishevelled house with his wife out of commission and his children hypnotized by the iPad.  Maybe he takes a shower, or he gets right to work trying to figure out what to make for dinner that aligns with the millions of food aversions I am suffering from.  He takes care of the kids, gets them to clean up, gets them through their bedtime schedule and reads them stories.  He then takes some downtime before attending to the dishes and laundry and maybe garbabe/recycling.  His downtime often creeps into 12:30am-1am zone before he's up at 7am to do it all again.

He's helping a few people on the side for extra cash after work and his radiator just broke this week.  Things are not working and fitting and the tunnel was closed by the time he was done at 8pm and had to go pick up a birthday gift at Toys R Us before closing followed by picking up the kids from my mom's.  They got home at 10pm.

These problems are great problems.  I know they could be worse.  We are just a little worn out these days and would really love a break.

Dear Cold,

Please vacate my body.  My family needs me back and there are a lot of clients I am not wanting to disappoint.   Also, I, MYSELF WOULD LIKE TO FEEL BETTER.  I know the end of pregnancy is already intolerable for me physically, it would be nice to get a few months break in the middle.

Phanie Pack
(Stephanie M Chan)


Popular Posts