Welcome to Kindergarten

Kindergarten.  The Beginning of the End.

Kindergarten has been as much as an adjustment for me as it has been for Moses.  Up until pre-school, our schedule was pretty flexible.  Then it was 9am wake-up calls 2 times a week for the first year followed by sweet-ass afternoon classes allowing us to sleep in errrrday.  All 4 of us are struggling to adjust to this new schedule of waking up 6 days a week.  Moses had his first "bad day" at school Wednesday due to a rough night's sleep.  His teacher had her first words with me due to his inability to listen at carpet time, followed by pushing another kid inline and lastly having his emotions enter the RED ZONE.

Red - Angry + Frustrated
Blue - Sad
Yellow - Excited + Silly
Green - Happy and Good

he had ended up in our bedroom unable to sleep.  he was afraid of the dark shape on our bedroom door where kevin and i hang our hoodies.  he was up for quite a while until i finally had it and sent him AND CHLOE back to their rooms as they were sleeping side by side with their heads right beneath my feet, taking up half the bottom end of the bed.  Moses is normally fantastic at getting out of bed, getting changed and brushing his teeth without me saying anything.  yesterday morning, i had to go in his room a number of times for 20 minutes before freaking out that we were going to be late.  he was so tired he couldn't but doze off repeatedly.  poor guy.  i totes know he must have felt at school for 6 hours on little sleep.  it's been my entire week!  highly irritable and bad tempered.  obviously, i haven't been the greatest example either as of late…

Thursday was much better.  he did his usual happy morning routine and even made himself his own breakfast: peanut butter, banana and jam sandwich.  when i came to pick him up, he had his usual giant sunshine face of happiness as he came running to give me a hug.  he quickly told me that he went into Red again today but went back to Green.  his teacher confirmed this and gave me the thumbs up that it was all good.

i'm happy that at least he realizes how super crummy he feels if he doesn't get enough sleep and doesn't fight me about going to bed earlier.  the consequences are very real for him!

yesterday (Friday) was a different story altogether.  my sister and her husband flew in to help us with renos over the long weekend.  i was out in Vancouver picking up last minute fixings for the night's Thanksgiving Dinner.  it was the least i could do to say Thank You for giving up their precious time and freedom to engage in some pretty disgusting work in the rank nicotine cave.  kevin picked him up but mentioned nothing.  after all the running around, cooking, eating and recovering from dessert and once all the guests had left, i went to into the kids'  room to turn off their night lights and kiss them goodnight one last time before going to bed.  i noticed Moses' homework folder (newly dubbed The Bullshit Folder) in his opened backpack as i left their bedroom and pulled it out to check if there were any more order/permission forms to add to the impressive pile i've collected over this week.  instead i found a tiny note from his teacher:


when we arrived back in Tsaw, we scooped him up and as usual i asked about his day.  he said he had a good day but that he got back in the red a bunch.  he didn't expand and because he was in such a chipper mood, i didn't think to pry for more details.  plus i was busy as hell trying to get dinner together for everyone…

can i just say:

school sucks.

as a parent, school really sucks.  i was one of the lucky ones to had grown up with a positive school experience from elementary all the way to post-secondary.  i wasn't a mega academic, but i did  reasonably well in all subjects except math.

as i had mentioned above, i'm already collecting a pile of permission and general forms.  in my current pre-natal state, i can hardly keep my eyes open and remember where i am driving when i am late and rushing to get somewhere, let alone remember when all these forms are due.  maybe i've just got a bad attitude but seriously, as an organized pregnant mom of two in her third trimester: I HATE ALL THESE STUPID FORMS!!!!

Pumpkin Patch permission slip includes:

1.  If you can drive and how many children

2.  If you can't drive, will you please provide a carseat for your child to (PAINFULLY) insert into another parents' car?

3.  Sercretly Thinking: Do I volunteer to drive another kid?  What if it's a bad kid????  Alternatively, what if it is a great kid that I love having to positively influence my child??  What if I am saving a good kid from riding from a bad kid? 

Although, let's be honest, if I were unable to drive Moses, who would want to drive the kid that started a glue fight??? Ahhhh, I have the bad kid!!!  GUILTY!!!  FML, ok I'll volunteer to drive another kid.

4.  Did you fill out all the other general Media Release and Blahblahblah forms on-line?

5.  CRAP!  Where was that online link that Khara texted me for the Hot Lunch form???...

Hot Lunch
I totally remember Hot Lunch days.  those days were my favourite.  I loved getting a cheap hotdog with chocolate milk!!!  and we all laughed when one of the boys would poor salt, pepper, ketchup and whatever available condiment into his chocolate milk and then drink it.

Fast forward to the super lame days of being the parent who does her best to feed her kids a good variety of healthy foods and Hot Lunch is suddenly THE WORST THING EVER.  I would have been miserable and hated my mom if she decided to never sign me up for hot lunches!  It was one of the best things about elementary school!  Plus, in these financially troubling times, the last thing I want to do is put out extra cash for things I would not normally buy.  Ok, ok, ok, this is not fair.  Hot Lunch no longer consists of a hot dog but a choice of

Pizza - cheese or pepperoni
Sushi - California, Cucumber or something else
I can't remember

oh my god, just realized I have totally gone off topic here from the Glue Fight letter.

Anyway, other forms that invoke the feeling of
But I don't wanna clean my room…
Oops, I mean
But I don't wanna make dinner and clean the kitchen
(Ok, sadly I still have to and don't wanna clean my room either…)

1.  Paren Teacher Interviews
2. Spell-a-Thon aka collecting $1-$2 pledges for the amount of Correct Words that Moses can spell or the option of a FLAT RATE donation

Hey Schoolio, you need money, here is $20 from my butt.  That saves me having to walk my kid around the neighbourhood asking strangers for money.  Thanks.

Like a said, Bad Atttitude Mom.

Back to Glue Fight.
(oh can i just add that it's currently 7am on a Saturday?  I woke up at 5:30am with a leg cramp that i attempted to heal myself as Kevin had just spent the entire day doing renos and i didn't want to wake him, but ended up having to totally wake him because it felt like i was being possessed by satan as my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my tongue grew thick long and pointy and i went into a totally fit of swearing.  it took about 10 minutes, but he was able to find the cramp, readjust my distortedly angled foot and massage the muscle/ligament/tendon (my biology knowledge is gone) until my leg ceased to spasm.  i was ready to make sweet love to him once it was finally gone out of pure relief and joyful loving gratitude.  clearly i could not go to sleep and my typing has awoken the children who are currently calling Mommmmmmmyyyyyy from their bed…)

1.  He knows he isn't supposed to do it
2.  I'm sure the teacher had to ask him more than once to STOP
3.  I'm sure having a strict and mean lady for a Mommy probably makes him think every other adult is a total sucker in comparison that he doesn't have to listen to because nobody will punish him like his tiny Asian psycho mother
4.  Even if I sit down with him to kindly re-enforce what behaviour is appropriate/inappropriate, he is probably going to start other fun and hilarious 5 year old shenanigans.  Will it actually make a difference if I am not physically there to lord over him????

Being a parent sucks because you can't NOT do it.  Ok, clearly you can as I have already pretty much admitted defeat above.  Even if your parenting is fruitless, you need to do it at least to say you tried.  Better than ignoring the fact that your child is engaging in inappropriate behaviour and turning around to blame inappropriate behaviour on YOUR child, but that is an entirely different story that will remain closed on this blog because I have a shred of respect for myself to not publicly humiliate others.

I don't like this lack of control.  I don't know how to navigate this situation and it's only a glue fight, not a Westside Story knife fight.  I have clearly just entered the territory of School Aged children with seemingly little tools and even less knowledge.  Groan.

Is 7:30am on a Saturday too early to have a No Glue Fights conversation?

Is it also bad that I am mildly amused that someone else that isn't me got to deal with this situation?  I mean, to be frank, I bet the glue fight was hilariously entertaining, but only because Moses wasn't my responsibility.  Had he engaged in this behaviour at home with Chloe, actually, I'm not even sure it would have happened.  Definitely if I wasn't in the same room I would say yes, but if i were puttering around I can totally see his bright eyes turning to see if I was paying attention first.

Is it too early to get my angry face tattooed on both his hands?

Well, that's the end of Week 3 of Kindergarten.
At least up until Thursday-Friday, he seems to really enjoy school.  That's a plus I will happily take.


  1. this was hysterical ... i was LOLing through it ... love the train of thought shit-it-out writing, always so good. hoping moses is catching up on sleep and not starting any more glue-fights ... i have to prepare myself for discipline in the future, as teddy has a real little turd-master mischievous streak already ... it's true, moses already knows he shouldn't do the glue fight thing! eff.

    i fucking loved hot dog days. my total fave. pizza day came a little later as pizza became more commonly eaten and cool. (ha! i'm so old.)

    i want a hot dog and chocolate milk right now.


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