The State I'm In

i'm entering crazy town phase of third trimester.  i'm highly highly irritable and with a more explosive temper than usual.  everything makes me want to scream or cry and the frequency of wanting to yell at people to STFU!!!!!! is on a steady incline.  i'm just a Bad Mood Bear.


i'm doing my best to wrap up my 2014 sessions as i get my butt in gear for this weekend's Holiday Sessions.  i'm feeling awfully proud of myself as this year quickly comes to a close.  i did not advertise any sessions this year and yet, still had a reasonable amount of clients.  i feel good about that.  it was nice to not have to stress about designing ads and getting them posted on time because i was ALWAYS late.  it was encouraging to have people (both new and returning) call, message or contact me through the site itself while i kept a low profile.  i had just enough work to keep me comfortably busy during my pregnancy and it was a nice break to have some design projects to jolt the other creative areas of my brain.

heading out to Van with Chloe tomorrow morning to pick up the Holiday backdrop and then go by Our Little Flower company to discuss a wreath idea.  i've gotta keep the place tidy here as we have an inspection happening early Wednesday morning for a potential buyer.  i booked 7 clients and had one drop out this morning.  i must say, i am relieved!  that means i only have to do 3 clients a day which is absolutely perfectly reasonable for the current physical state that i am in!  PLUS, it's all clients that i know and love, nobody new that might spring some unexpected shenanigans on me.  i should probably message them all now with their times… k done.

i've gained 20lbs but Baby Center tells me i will be gaining a pound per week at this stage.  not cool.  i am truly hoping that the baby arrives during the last week of November because i just really do not want to have TWO December birthdays PLUS Christmas PLUS New Year's Eve.  no thanks.  of course this means that we would ideally be in our new place which is looking pretty slim.  there is so much happening and so much uncertainty with what is happening and yet, i could definitely be way more stressed out.

i remember being pregnant with Moses and going completely apeshit because my sister in law had not yet finished reupholstering our couch and i had nowhere to sit during my last couple of weeks of pregnancy.  if i were smart, i would have rejoiced and slept in my bed with NO CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF ALL DAY LONG.  but, no… i was a first time mom and knew nothing.

maybe i have this baby here, maybe at the new home.  maybe we are moving with a newborn.  things could be way worse than that.

movements are massive.  they have finally crossed over from the random swift kicks to full on full-belly  movements.  the kids have been lying in bed with me laughing and having their minds blown at how triply my stomach looks as the baby desperately tries to make more room.  they know how and where to feel for a knee or a bum.  baby's head is down.  i've been going to the doctor every other week, though i have a feeling i'm going to start going every week soon enough.  it's the waiting game now as i am 34 weeks this thursday!

i'm feeling really tired.  mornings have been more rough as my sleeping has become further impaired by  my beached whale size.  i was wondering when i would hit this stage!  well, now it's here and it sucks! i wake for my one nightly pee where i have to half pry myself up using a sleeping chloe as leverage.  she doesn't mind.  once i push/pull myself up from the bed, i can feel baby hunker down into my aching crotch.  i get my first wave of exhaustion around 10:30am where i feel nauseous and lightheaded.  i feel like i must not have any energy, but run purely on adrenaline when necessary.  ADRENALINE!  CRASH! ADRENALINE! CRASH!  All. Day. Long…  ugh, and in the last 2 days, the return of my wheezy chest cough has returned!  i peed myself a few times this morning.  good times.

i was completely hobbled over half way through making dinner this evening.  my body is just not holding up.  my back is destroyed and my feet and legs are in a constant state of tears and wanting to be lovingly rubbed.

kevin isn't faring much better.  he has mostly healed from his vasectomy but seems to have caught a sort of cold or mild flu.  he has been going to the house most weekday evenings and pretty much all weekend.  he is pooped, i am pooped, we are both totally grumpy from lack of rest/sleep and our tempers are running high.  i am truly looking forward to getting all this work out of the way so i can TRY to spend some last minute quality time with the kids before the baby arrives…

we crawl into bed, and i often laugh at the elderly couple we have become.  i laugh because the baby hasn't even arrived yet and we are hardly able to function.

it's still exciting.

the shape of my belly has been largely female… until i last checked tonight.  it looked like the bottom was dropping and looking a little more male.  also, i have been referring to baby has he the last week or so.  it's so crazy having this one be a surprise.

tired.  so tired but still smiling and trying to enjoy the last of this last pregnancy.


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