i think i need to start doing voice recording entries while i slowly nod off to sleep at night.  it's really blowing my mind that it's been 2 weeks now since Feather was born.  the days have been so full, overflowing from one day to the next without any sign of slowing.

i must admit that being a photographer has mildly dampened my full capacity to enjoy every single tuft of newborn hair as i've been living minute to minute in a panic of trying to get as many newborn photos as possible within the 14 day timeframe.  the 14 day cut off has really ruined my idea of "newborn" as 14 days is so very very very very very new and yet having that two week countdown has rewired my brain into thinking Feather is now "old".  ridiculous, i know.  i've done my best and had some fun playing around.

nom nom nom...

i have lots of photos to come still but i'd like to take a breather to just jot down how life has changed or not changed so far.  god, it's so hard to believe that Christmas was 2 weeks ago…  kevin was kicked out of work on the last day of school for the kids.  he worked his balls off at home, we had two Christmasses, Feather arrived Friday and the following Friday kevin was back at work followed by the kids starting school.  and somehow this first week back to school feels like three.

i survived.  i actually survived.
i was terrified.  our last week of Holidays was our first week adjusting to baby's new schedule.  surprisingly, it was not all over the place.  he's been an absolute angel of a baby.  that or i'm just a champion after raising M+C together so close in age.  he eats and he sleeps.  when he is awake it isn't for an excessive amount of time.  actually he is probably awake for maybe an hour or so outside of feeding in which he is perfectly happy.  he doesn't cry for NO REASON for HOURS like Moses.  i can't say i remember what Chloe was like because by the time Chloe arrived, i was juggling like a maniac.  i don't even know how i managed back in the day, especially when i see what 18 month toddlers are like, they are big babies who still do not sleep.  throw a newborn into the mix and it is just back and forth between fulfilling their needs, ALL DAY LONG…

anyway, when Feather is awake, i am soaring on cloud 9.  there isn't anything i would rather do than sit on my ass taking hit after glorious hit of newborn baby smell from his head, cheeks, neck and face as i smother him with kisses and wrap my entire body around him in a giant snuggle.  I LOVE IT.  I LOVE IT!!!  i love having a newborn and i can't believe it.  the thought of having a newborn had been so very unappealing to me.  seeing new mamas with newborns made me cringe and thank god that i wasn't pregnant and throughout my pregnancy i just felt terrified.  perhaps it's because i was so young and and lonely with Moses with Chloe arriving so soon after him that my memories of newborns are mostly of hardship and struggle.

this guy sleeps.  i'm not crossing my fingers.  i realize newborns are supposed to sleep a lot, but he really sleeps!  he let's me do things for hours at a time!  i get to make and eat dinner while he sleeps.  possibly even rest or tidy a bit too afterwards.  he wakes up for a little in the evening when i feed him and he just hangs out.  tonight, we had movie night with popcorn and hot chocolate and he just quietly sat on my lap until he fell asleep, allowing the 5 of us to all sit and watch the entire movie!  UNREAL. he was awake for about an hour or so following where i fed him again and gave him a luxurious bath by the fire.  i fed him again and he is now having another nap in front of the fire.  he'll probably wake up in an hour or two to feed and sleep.  he'll wake up another 2-3 times for easy night time feeds and fall right back to sleep.  i don't ever EVER have to get out of bed!  with both Moses and Chloe, we had to be up taking shifts feeding and changing and BOUNCING for a minimum of 45 minutes.  well at least with Moses.  Chloe, I don't remember as well.  he'll wake up maybe around 7-8am, feed, and then sleep for 2-3 hours!  he did this the other morning and i was able to do laundry and clean the living room and kitchen.  I LOVE HIM.

this first week back to school was amazing.  it was not as horrible as i had expected it to be.  i think there were two days where i was a little more rough than others, but on the whole, it was very doable and i owe it to some very kind, thoughtful and understanding Mamas.  Molly down the street dropped off a delicious dinner for us early in the week, saving us cooking and cleaning time/energy as well as the daily "what to eat?!!!" anxiety.  a couple days later she made an amazingly yummy and healthy quinoa and veggie salad with peanut tofu AND a box of homemade granola bars which were gone in 1.5 days.  she also gave me essential oils to add to my Sitz Bath and was the one that actually finally got me to do it after seeing me hobbling around.  i'm so mad at myself for not doing it earlier as it seems to have had immediate effect on healing my destroyed vag.  it's like a Spa Day for your vag except for the fact that you have to sit on the toilet.

New Year's Eve
This test shot for family photos ended up being a cool recovery documentation

speaking of healing, my recovery has been extraordinary compared to my recovery with M+C.  I remember with Moses, i would try on my jeans every week and it took about 3-4 months before i could pull them all the way up never mind zip them.  I had stitches with Moses and my feet swelled up like crazy.  Walking and sitting was torture.  That on top of the aching bleeding cracked nipples, constant bouncing and the stress of having to bring him to Children's after he had lost too much weight, was jaundice and had a fever was just really a lot to take on for a first time mom.  with Chloe, my recovery was even worse, though thank god I didn't have stitches.  ok, so my recovery was probably not bad, but I am referring more to my body bouncing back.  I gained weight with Chloe once she was born and although i was able to fit into my pants sooner, the weight all around me took so much longer to lose.  I remember going for walks into town with neighbour Cait and neighbour Emily from the condo, and I would be huffing and puffing with shaking legs up the gentle recline up 56th street.  i could hardly make it up the two flights of stairs for months.  this time around, my stomach is 85% gone.  i have no handles.  i have a cute little bump out front and that is all.  i don't know how the hell that happened but i am beyond stoked!  i was so worried my weight was going to compound and stick around the same way it did with Chloe, but i guess like labour and pregnancy, each recovery is different!

Having resurrected our stroller from my inlaws this week, I decided to walk up to Chloe's school to pick her up yesterday.  I told Chloe we could walk home from school together when the weather got nicer, so I thought I would surprise her.  I had seen so many of the other Mamas in the neighbourhood walk on a regular basis, I figured it wouldn't be that bad.  my body was thrilled.  it was mobile and getting exercise after being a prisoner of pregnancy for the last 6-7 months.  i was speed walking in my Nikes, leggings and warm fur hoodie and felt so fantastic.  Feather was happily riding in his carseat.  (we tried the bassinet the first time and he did not like it…  thank god the bugaboo has adapters to attach his beloved carseat!)  i underestimated the hill.  it was much steeper and longer than i thought it would be but i totally did it.  i was huffing and puffing but in a i'm-getting-a-great-workout way rather than holy-crap-i'm-going-to-have-an-asthma-attack-in-the-middle-of-the-street way.  as long as the weather isn't too cold or rainy, i think i will start doing the pick-up walk more often.  i'm so ecstatic over how my body has recovered this time around.

life has been good.  the kids have been adjusting reasonably well.  Moses is more detached from Feather than he was the day Feather was born, but Chloe has taken over the roll of Second Mother.  they both have continued to find their way into our bed in the middle of the night, most nights which is hilarious considering they are so big now and we only have a queen sized bed.  they come in and know they can no longer claim a spot beside me as the baby has taken that space, so they find a spot at the bottom of their bed.  because they can not both fit horizontally at the bottom, they both sleep at the opposite end facing us, kind of like the two sets of grandparents in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. every morning, i wish someone was there to take a photo of the 5 of us crammed into our bed.  it's pretty hilarious but really lovely at the same time.  once morning arrives and it is time to wake up, Chloe comes to my side of the bed to snuggle her baby brother.  she is in love.  i'm so excited to see how they grow together and build their relationships as siblings.  it's going to be wild.

i think that is all for now.  it's 1:45am.  Feather will probably be up soon so i should get moving…



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