Days of the New

Nov 21

it has begun.
kevin's last day was last Tuesday.

he's been helping out with the kids and getting things checked off the long list of TO DO's for the house.  it's been really nice having him home, for all of us.  it's great having help and it's great that the help means spending more time with the kids.  i think he really enjoys walking them to and from school.  of course, that is only one side of things, he definitely has his limits and starts going bonkers as we all do…

he has helped me prep for Holiday Sessions.  i spent the entire week leading up to the Sessions testing the light for the first time in our home.  we made it through 13 sessions!  3 on friday, 8 on saturday and 2 on sunday!  i actually factually managed to meet my deadline of TODAY to have all the postcards designed and ready to order!  two last sessions tomorrow and that is it!

the schedule has been great.  with the exception of staying up extra late to work on the Holiday editing and postcard layouts, we eat dinner 1-2 hours earlier which means we can have a bit of downtime with the kids without it getting too late.  and speaking of dinner, I HAVEN'T MADE IT ALL WEEK AND I AM SO HAPPY.  as proud as i am that i have been able to cook decently, i am so over it!  it's been nice to have a break from minding the kids so much and to be able to focus on work ONLY TO BE REWARDED with a thoughtful home cooked dinner.  oh it has been so nice for that.

we have been really lucky to have so many people offering support, whether it is in kind words and advice or actually going out of their way to help network for both of us for potential work.  the love has been real.  really really real.

Nov 25

i think my posts are just going to have to be broken pieces that are botched together if i am ever going to manage to get anything out there.

today i am hungover after celebrating having finally finished editing photos/designing postcard templates for the 15 peeps that were part of this year's Holiday sessions.

honestly, everyday i'm a haggard mess but today definitely kicks it up a notch.  normally, i am still able to bully myself through the day and move and move and move.  i have fallen on the couch at least 4 times in the last 4 hours and i probably for once in my life should take a bit of a nap to help me get through the rest of the day, but i don't know if i will do that…

i still have to try to finish up the newborn session i did the week before i started getting ready for Holiday sessions.  TRYING.

and of course i have to edit the photos for all the Holiday sessions to send out to clients…

i am constantly bouncing back and forth between being excited about our new situation and horribly afraid that my excitement is actually naive and we are actually completely screwed.

also, i gotta say, i'm really stoked on my government cheques because we would be royally up shit creek otherwise.

potential design job is still up in the air.
other design job is a bit on hold at the moment.

things to get in order:

Christmas tags
Valentine's tags
Birthday Invites - themes/thank your/

get a small art class together starting January
as the first stepping stones to having my own art space for kids

i'm running pretty empty these days and the quick approach of Christmas has my panties in a knot.  i don't wanna be a Scrooge here, but i really hate the gift giving aspect.  ok slash that, i hate the obligatory gift giving aspect.  it sucks when basically all your money is for groceries.  when you are already squeezed tight.  plus your kids have so much shit that your house looks like a Roaming Rascals day in and day out so any gifts they give are always a tiny bit of a hassle/imposition even if they happen to be super awesome gifts.  the option of course would be to MAKE some gifts but as you may or may not know, time is just not something that is spilling out over here… and just WHAT DO YOU GET FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY that is relatively affordable on a tiny budget?  at what point is it just a waste of money that you would use for your family's necessities???

 it stresses me out.  on top of the frustration of finances, i also hate the guilt of having people give nice things to me or to the kids when i can't afford to give anything worth giving.

or maybe i just suck at gifts?  i don't know.  no no no i don't think i suck at gifts, if i had the finances to get people good gifts i would be dope.  what if i just printed photos of things i WANT to get people but can't?  how far does THE THOUGHT count?  lol.  i mean it wouldn't be something incredulous like a month vacation to Bali or something completely outrageous.  ugh.  anyway.

time to do some work while Malcolm is napping away…
UGH he is 11 months tomorrow
and kevin just handed in malcolm's Passport paperwork
which is stressing me out because i have still been thinking of changing his name
yes i know
i know
i know

ok that is it for now


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