into the woods

we've come face to face with a bend in the road.
we knew it was coming, we saw the sign back in mid-september

new things are about to happen
a series of changes are about to unfurl
and as frightening as anticipation can feels, there is certainly some excitement in the air

malcolm is napping
and i just opened my first file to start working on a new design job that i've been hired on for, from now until january.  i'm excited.  i'm excited for something new, to learn and further my experience in graphic design.  

i've had an influx of interest this Fall.
it takes me by surprise every year since i began photography back in 2012
but Fall seems to be the season where i get the most requests for work

and right before Holiday Sessions

i'm trying to get my ducks in a row

i feel like my work this year hasn't been quite as awesome
as my work last year when i was still pregnant.
that makes sense right?
pregnancy tiredness and immobility is strangely still not as debilitating
as 10 months of having a new baby aka 10 months of broken sleep…

the first light i purchased was off of Craigslist
and even then, it was a model that was no longer being carried

i need a new light.
it's been intermittent, it doesn't consistently refresh to snap every shot i need
and it's just not something i can compromise with when trying to get that perfect
shot with kids that are so unpredictable and in the moment
sometimes that ONE SHOT is literally one out of 50 attempts

so basically this year's sessions is going to buy me a new light

this is only stressful because kevin was let go back in september
he was kindly given about 2 months to find another job
we stuck it out to try to get our medical appointments covered
but now next week is his last week
Friday is his last day although Wednesday is his birthday
i tried to convince him to have his last day be on Tuesday
but he may as well just not go the entire week!

it's not a bad thing
it's a scary thing
he's been there 12 years and it's time to move on
it's not what he wants to do for the rest of his life
or even for another year, it's over

he is so talented and his mind is so creative and technically wired
that it would be a shame for him to be stuck under cars forever

we just don't know what he should do
what road to take from here
we are venturing into the unknown….
he's starting all over again
and will likely require some education or training for something new

he's considering going into film for props/special effects
perhaps he does some renovation work locally?
the possibilities are endless which is great but almost more daunting
maybe he opens a little cafe
a hip little place that doesn't yet exist here in t-town
that would eventually be attached to THE PAUHAUS art studio/shoppe?

it is very realistic that i may take over position as breadwinner
which is equally frightening for me as i have never been in that position
and it really means i need to have more confidence in myself and my talents
i need to give less fucks about what people think

perhaps i work more and he works less
but we create a schedule that gives us MORE TIME
which is definitely something we haven't had for the last year
with Malcolm and renos day in and day out

time to start this new design gig
here goes nothing…


  1. heheh! i was expecting to see some Woody Photos in your post for some reason!

    Dude, you and kevin (and your three freaking good looking half babies) will do just fine. Sometimes life throws some shit in your face, all you gotta do is wipe is off and keep going. Kevin is amazeballs creatively, maybe he can expand the Pauhaus brand? Either way, i'm sure yall will find something fab. Treasure this time. You have three young kids. Honestly, they will grow up so fast. Yall have an opportunity to spend more time with them! Although, yeah it's shit not having a job or whatever, who cares. We all have more than 30 more years of work ahead of us!! (isn't that SAD!?)

    Also, I'm sorry I'm kinda like a ghost and don't go out or anything. But i'm always here (virtually) for you both. You guys are the most awesomess people ever! Big hugs. and I look forward to seeing your design stuff. I'm really INTO your stuff Phan. I'm kinda weirdy fangirl about it. I met someone who calls herself a "photographer", she showed me her stuff and i was like, omg, My friend is ALSO photographer and she did this this and this (heart instagram). LOL. ok i was being a bit of an ass. Anyway... BIG HUGS! ---KYME!!!!!!!!!!!


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