new life

i'm taking a small break from working tonight to dedicate to my own updates.

1.  last night i found lice in Momo's hair.  it was my first experience with lice and i hope that if you have never had the experience that you never have to have it because i truly sucks.

there was a bit in chloes, less in mine and less in Malcolm's.  we've been treated, combed through, slept with the treatment and rinsed out after 8 hours and i've checked them numerous times with the comb throughout the day.  i vaccuumed for the second time this weekend and we're almost through all the laundry.

i will say that in spite of having to stay home with all of them and being days on days of exhausted, we ended on a good note.  i haven't lost my temper.  chloe went to swimming and her teacher gave me two pieces of praise.  we drove to Steveston for our favourite medicinal Pho and stayed out a little later to enjoy the warm evening at the park.  it's 10 to 10 and the kids are all still awake, but i don't care.  maybe they will go back to school tomororw, maybe they won't.  whatever.

2.  i'm still struuugggggllliiinnnnggggggggggggggggg.

when you've been the primary caregiver for 6-7 years, it's hard to give up that title and control, no matter how much you want to be free from its shackles.  afterall, you learned it all from scratch and the thought of anyone doing things any other way is blasphemy.  i have to remind myself that kevin is learning and adapting and that he hasn't had the hardcore 6-7 years of long days without a helping hand.  i have to remind myself to be more kind and less bitter... BUT IT IS HARD!!!!!  hard hard hard hard hard.  we both want to put our own work first and leave the other to mind the messy trolls that need molding into decent human beings that we can be proud of.  the first is so immediately rewarding and satisfying while the latter feels like perpetual failure LOL.

we're still transitioning.  it's better, and i have faith that it will continue to improve and the choppy waves will eventually settle into a smoother ride.

i'm so tired.  so burnt out.  and if you know me, i'm willing to work hard but i also love to party hard to make up for the work.  so sometimes, like this week, i overdid it and now i am paying for it.  paying for it with some bonus lice. 

BUT I AM HAPPY
AND GRATEFUL
VERY VERY GRATEFUL

right now we are surviving!  this time next year i hope to be thriving.

just the other day i counted 15 sessions from April 8 to May 8, including my very first BIRTH!  that was both very stressful but very amazing.  the shooting is great, it really is mostly the editing.  i'm so thankful that my brain finally forced me to getting Lightroom because it's been a gamechanger.  i'm struggling to keep up while trying to balance family life, but i know i would be leagues behind without it.

i need to get more organized.  i need to get one of those Daily Planners.  i may or may not have said that in my lat post 2 months ago.  how was that two months ago, i don't even know... oh yeah 15 sessions.  i'm so proud of myself and so thankful to everyone who has supported me and my work.  i feel like i've been doing a great job and i hope everyone has been feeling the same about what they have been receiving.  it's been a high.  despite the frustration and tiredness, it's been exhilirating to function on this crazy non-scheduled schedule and have kevin at home to switch on and off with when needed.  it feels like such a huge blessing to be where we are right now, to have the freedom to both create and both be home, to not have to worry about taking time off to be together, BUT BUT BUT the tradeoff being we have no medical or dental.

and i probably need a bit of dental work.
and i haven't been doing a decent job taking care of the kids' teeth.
and moses tried to stick Lego in chloe's ear today that made her shriek like she was being stabbed followed by sobbing for 15 minutes and i had to weigh out melodrama with taking her to emergency
she is ok

otherwise otherwise
it kind of feels like the first couple of weeks of learning how to ride a bike for the first time.  you feel proud and wild and amazing.  the wind in your face and hair, feeling like you have accomplished the impossible.  we'll see how i'm feeling at the end of the year, but honestly, it still feels like this is just the beginning and summer is going to bring so much more!

i could not have imagined this but it feels so right.


4.  momo's birthday is around the corner.  a week exactly to be exact.  i'm having a tiny party for him this Friday and i have no idea wtf we are doing.  it's going to be old school ghetto.  i'm letting him run the show which means there will be tonnes of Cheezies.

my sister is flying him and i out for a private vacay to celebrate his birthday this year the following weekend.  he will love that.  he is a one on one kind of guy and who better to spend his birthday with than his Mama and his fave auntie.  he is super excited.

chloe is awesome these days in general and malcolm is super cute but super full of tantrums and all the horrible and wonderful things that come with ramping up to the terrible twos.



 3.  the house

the yard is greener.  i've been too busy working to enjoy the patio with its lights.
kevin pulled out the front entrance fence.  he is currently working on fabricating sliding barndoors as a closet solution in our bedroom.  I WISH I COULD AFFORD A HOUSE CLEANER.  IT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE.  i'm not quite there yet, but god one day that is going to be the frigging best.


some photos from a pretty evening back in April

Scraps the Giraffe  
a loving collab between Kev and Momo with the deck scraps




 we often head out after dinner for a play in the park.  Momo pulls his younger sibs across the street and often takes Malcolm for an extra ride around the park



showing off




cheeseballs



 our magnolias were gorgeous
dead ferns are the ugliest, but new ferns are pretty wild



the Falcon needs love and a name
hopefully this summer








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