2017 : Goals

i feel good.

the holidays rocked me pretty hard in a variety of ways and i've had a lot of lows in the last few days leading up to the kids getting back to school this week.  after going and going for the last couple of months, the marathon of activity, work, mourning, relationship strains, all while doing my best to keep strong reins on my anxiety, it all came to an end.  christmas was finally over, chloe and malcolm's birthday came to a close, but the days coming into new year kicked me down a few notches.  i love to celebrate and with the exception of NYE Eve, i barely had a drink throughout the holidays out of sheer stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.  having days of nothing but rest was a godsend and yet it felt like cutting an addiction cold turkey after months of habit.  the detox that was running through me was terrible and i found myself slipping into depression in the mornings.    i was like "FML, are you kidding me??!!!!"

i found some terrific videos on youtube the day before school started and i've been on an upswing.  finding simple tools to work your way up is the most wonderful feeling.  i've got hope and determination and readiness to take on whatever comes my way.  i know i have so much to work on to become the best me, to become the person i want to be and can live with, to become the person i want my kids to admire when they are past being cool, to find my truth and have no regrets in this life.  i'm working on my self-esteem.  to know that i am enough in whatever phase of life i am walking/swimming/hiking/flying through.  i've had a deep need to progress in 2016 and i've begun that journey by doing things i never thought i would do, by doing new things that scared the shit out of me.  saying YES when i wanted to run away and keep safe in the familiar.  what a mistake that would have been...  to be honest, i was contemplating doing the Polar Bear swim this year and depending on the price, possibly sky-diving.  Polar Bear swim next year FOR SURE.

this year, i want to get a hold of my mind.  i struggle so much with my mind.  i want to strengthen my mind to better control it and its thoughts, to rewire the negative to positive, to break old thought patterns that do not serve me and create new ones to improve my quality of life and my perspective.   i want to develop skills to protect myself from toxicity, to feel comfortable in my skin, to slow my pace and act/react more consciously to people and situations.  i want to attain some inner peace.    

it's definitely going to be a spiritual year for me and i am looking forward to see how much progress and change i will have made by 2018.  i'm off to a good start.

summer is going to be terrific...


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