Feb 2017

i am so content...  largely because i am alone.  but also, the sun is shining warm and bright into the dining room where my work has opened up to include painting.  lots of paintings!  i am feeling ever inspired by the resurgence of fine art and creative craft into my life.  i am excited!  my days are no longer spent in the darkest and coldest room in the house, trying to fight my body's slouch over the computer.  it's been snowing for the last 5 days.  it's been magical and beautiful and very very weird.  i'd say that it's climate change, but apparently it's not true, just a lie put out there by the Chinese (from China, not from Canada?)  took photos, will post those later...  right now, the birds are tweeting, music is playing, incense is burning and i have found a medium that is feeding me inner peace i have been subconsciously craving for a while.

january 10th i posted on Facebook


it's always the posts that you don't want people to acknowledge that get the most ackonwledgent.  here i was regretting the post, fearing i would once more fail to meet this goal and desire i've held onto with the best of intentions.  I WAS BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE!!!

and then i painted one thing.  and then people really liked it, again to my shock.
and then i posted them for purchase.  and the orders came in.  and custom orders came in.

and already i am drawing/painting a lot.

universe.  i accept your smirk.

my heart feels full.
last week i went away for yet another weekend.
seriously, i feel spoiled and at a loss for how i am able to keep leaving my family!
but it's amazing.  whenever i say YES, things keep tending to work out or fall into place somehow.

i spent 3 nights with close friends, acquaintances, and strangers celebrating sarah's birthday and participating in the retreat she prepared with her partner sara.  the best part of the weekend was connecting with the acquaintances and strangers.  the unfolding of new hearts and souls opening up, letting their walls down and allowing yourself to do the same is an exhilarating feeling.  no judgement, just joyful acceptance and support of your personal challenges.  there was so so much delicious healthy food all day long, intermittently paired with bags of chips and chocolate; many walks on the beach including a sudden morning skinny dip into the freezing ocean with Fannie and Molly in celebration of Fannie's 40th birthday; creative crafty projects paired with meditations of the day as well as a wine tasting with Sarah's sister and sommelier, Emily.  i will post photos this week.

it was greatly needed.  i have been doing pretty well, but in the last 1-2 weeks before leaving, i was still up and down and my health was feeling shitty.  i was having weird body shakes/trembles the last 2 days before i left and i wasn't sure if they were from anxiety, stress, or fighting one of the viruses that are going around town.  whatever it was, it manifested itself as a giant cold sore on my lip which is still healing.  i accidentally swallowed a bit of the scab last night and almost barfed.

i'm working really hard to be more mindful in my parenting.
i'm still trying to soften my expectation on moses and try to build a better sense of confidence and self-esteem in him.  he has too much confidence in his strengths but runs for the hills when things get hard.  i'm trying to help chloe focus on tasks at hand which is a mystery to me since I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT.  i need to discipline malcolm more and remind him that YES there ARE rules and YES they apply to you.

going to tidy up here and have some tea.
i feel like i am getting a cold in my throat and if i am it better not be the cough from hell that has been going around that moses has had for 2 weeks...

perfect timing, kevin just returned with Malcolm.

sledding this afternoon with my cousin Nik!


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